Death, Doorway Into The Eternal Relationship Of Love

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Let’s finish up our impromptu series of February relationship posts with a talk about death. Death?? Yes, death. And let me say right away that I know there’s lots and lots of pain around death, and I’m not being dismissive of that with what I’m about to say. I know that pain well. Because this understanding comes from the passing of my own dad in 2002, which was extremely painful. But some really freaky stuff happened starting about a year later that gave me a whole new understanding of what’s really going on. And I learned – for real – that death is of the body. And… we are literally not the body. We are the aliveness of that body. And that aliveness could be called the soul. And the soul is real, and it is here.

Note: My understanding is that it’s not like there’s a “here” and a “there.” It’s more like it’s all here, but it’s vibrational. Think about looking through a camera and putting it in and out of focus. When you do this, what you see changes. But it’s pointed at the same place the whole time. Same thing with a telescope. An X-Ray telescope will give you a completely different image than a regular telescope that’s pointed at the exact same place. It’s all vibrational. So it’s all here. So interesting.

Also note: I wrote about death five years ago this month in a post called Is Death Really Real? This is an important conversation, and very healing in the long run.

So the invitation of death is to learn how to get to know the soul. Then when the body dies, the relationship doesn’t end, it changes form. This is because the body changes form, from a dense physical body to the light body of the soul. I’m telling you, this stuff is real! That new body is of a higher vibration, beyond what our eyes can see. Plenty of people can see, though, and they’re known as “clairvoyant” (which means “clear seeing”). By the way, there are lots of people with “extrasensory perception” out there. Those that hear are called “clairaudient,” those that feel are “clairsentient,” and those that just know things are called “claircognizant.” I’m in the latter two categories to some degree. And I’ve been told that my hearing is open, but I haven’t really explored it yet. I’ve only heard a couple of times when I was in that hypnogogic state, in between sleep and wakefulness. It was super brief and vague, but it was really cool. And it was definitely not my voice. Back to the story…

So what’s up with this soul thing? It’s a living presence of love, and it’s actually them! Think of their best qualities, their best essence, but without the baggage. And it was them the whole time they were on earth, but they were in a body and a character with a name and a past and what not, and they were probably lost in that like pretty much everyone else is. Innocently, of course. But they were actually this ridiculously radiant soul the whole time (and so are you, right now – amazing but true!). Think of the soul as the aliveness that animates the body. Think of the soul as a sun that shines light (love) everywhere, in all directions, without discrimination. Ahh, feels so nice… And I’ve been able to feel this love as a beautiful and not so subtle vibration in my body ever since that crazy night in 2003. Back to the story…

I remember when my dad was in the hospital for the last time and wasn’t leaving, his body finally succumbing to lung cancer. We were all there, and they have those machines with the vitals like heart rate, blood pressure, etc. And you could see them all declining. And then they’d rise a bit, and then decline some more. They were very clearly trending down. And at some point, you could tell the aliveness with just not there anymore; the soul had left. The soul is not the body; it is that which brings the body to life.

I was living in Palm Springs, CA at the time, so I was the last to arrive. My brothers were there, as well as other close family members. He was already toast at that time, actively dying, vegetable state, but when I walked in he started kicking his legs. It was so amazing. And damn, I’m writing this at a coffee shop with tears in my eyes now… That always happens when I think about this time. Anyway it was really amazing. And then that was it, the last one had arrived, and it was time to go. And off he went.

I can honestly say I feel even closer to him now, though – and we were always fine anyway! But he’s not in that body anymore, so there aren’t any bodily limitations. I talk and he hears me – anytime, anyplace. And I can feel him and his love anytime I want. I’ve gotten tons of signs. And dreams, too – the craziest one was just a few days ago, in fact. And I’m not even a big dreamer. I’ll talk more another time about what happened that night a year after he died, but suffice it to say that it got my attention, and it changed everything. My brothers have had really cool experiences as well.

So just consider that death is not the end of the relationship, but rather the beginning of a new relationship, a relationship with the living, loving soul. And it’s actually a very real thing. It’s actually right here with us and available to us. It’s just not in that physical body anymore. Talk to them, and ask them to help you get to know who they are now. Be honest with them, and tell them anything you need to tell them. I think talking to them is very healthy. If you’d like to study the research on near-death experiences (NDEs) or out-of-body experiences (OBEs), there’s a VAST amount of material out there. Like, a ton. Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani is an excellent place to start, and it has the miracle cancer comeback as well. The link is to the blog I wrote about it a while back. Highly recommended.

Since I’m known as a safe person to talk with about this kind of thing, people tell me their stories, stories they don’t tell just anyone. I guarantee that at least one person you know has had an experience like an NDE or an OBE. I’m here to help get this information out there more, as well as to normalize it. And to talk about it. Like we talk about sports or the weather. Why not? That’s how I roll, anyway. I just love this stuff. And not only is it super interesting to talk about, but the implication is that death does not exist. Freaking yay!! Again, the body dies, and that can be very, very painful. Understatement of the year. But praise the lord that we are not the body. And the relationship changes form, since their body changes form. And we ask them to help us get to know what they are now, that which is beyond any death. And thus death becomes the doorway to true LIFE. So amazing. So I send you love and healing and respect, especially if you are grieving at this time. And as always, I’m here to help if I can. And Dying To Be Me really is amazing, by the way 🙂

When The Universe Tests You With A Clone Of Your Ex

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Sometimes when we break up with someone that’s not good for us, the universe is very pleased. But it wants to make sure we’ve really gotten the point… So the next person that shows up is often similar to the ex, or maybe it’s a “lite” version. I see this a ton in my office, so I wanted to bring it to your attention. It’s pretty fascinating, if you ask me. And if you know what to look for, you’ll be just fine. Remember, what we’re learning to do is see everything through the eyes of the universe. “I’m onto you, sneaky Universe…” I love it.

The classic example I see is the sensitive and the narcissist. This is because my office is like a magnet for sensitives. This is true whether they’re in a relationship or not. But when they are in a relationship, it’s often with someone that’s narcissistic to some degree. And note that everything is on a spectrum; a spectrum of sensitivity or a spectrum of narcissism. So to say someone is narcissistic doesn’t mean they’re necessarily the worst person in the world. It can, though, and bless their hearts…

Also note that I’m not judging anyone for being any certain way. I know that we’re all on a journey, and we bring certain traits in with us. Other traits are imprinted on us long before we’re old enough to have any say. It’s been said, for instance, that narcissism is a result of emotional neglect. I don’t know for sure that that’s always true or not. But either way, I have respect for all souls that are here having this human experience, which can be so challenging. Understatement. At the same time, however, I’m absolutely all about helping the sensitives stand up for themselves and let the more dominant and disrespectful ones know what is okay and what is not okay. Let them know how they need and deserve to be treated. Back to the story…

Let’s just take an extreme example, someone finally divorces their abusive husband after many years. It took that long to stand up for what is right, for how that person needs and deserves to be treated. How ANY person needs and deserves to be treated. And how is that? With respect. So the person is free, and it feels amazing! And then… they start dating. And they’re dating someone that seems wonderful. And all of a sudden, they notice something. Something feels strange, something feels off. Something feels… familiar?? Something feels abusive. NOOOO!!!

It might not be straight up abuse; in fact, it’s probably something much more subtle at first. But it’ll still have the energy of abuse, which is disrespect. And the person’s feeling is, “That’s not okay with me; that’s not how I will be treated.” If we want to really nail it, we let the person know right away. And to me it’s easiest to let them be innocent (even if you really don’t like what they did – it’s just easier on you). You might say something like, “Hey, what you said or did is not okay with me. You can do that, but you’ll have to do that with someone else. And I hope you’ll grow to where you won’t ever do things like that. It’s time to up your game.”

Doesn’t that sound amazing? And doesn’t it FEEL amazing? And it’s doing two really important things. First, it’s about the sensitive rising up to embrace the masculine within, thus coming into more balance as an individual and shining a brighter and brighter light. Because there’s power in those words. It’s a firm boundary. And note that it can be said very matter-of-factly, with a “just saying” sort of vibe. In fact, the person has a better chance of hearing you that way. The more healed and cleared you are, the less emotion there will be, and that’s just a process. The unique and simple practice of self-love that we teach here is the best way I know to get there, but life will do it anyway. Being married to the abusive guy for many years, in fact, will have a ton of growth in it. It can be slow and painful growth, though, so we’re just speeding that up.

The other important thing that those words are doing is helping the other person grow. The universe does not want anyone allowing themselves to be dominated by another. The universe wants the sensitives to learn how to stand up and say, “NO. That’s not okay. You can’t do that to me. Ever. Shame on you. Up your game.” The person might seem to get it or not, but know that you’ve done your job. You’ve planted some important seeds, so it’s time to move on. The universe will bring that person who and what they need next. It can be a pretty brutal process, but this is just how it works. And we’re getting through it. Slowly but surely.

I had one client that saw me who had indeed been married to an abusive guy for over twenty years. And when she came to see me, it was because she was having concerns about her current boyfriend, of around two years. I helped her see that she deserved WAY more, and she was able to get out of that one. He wasn’t as bad as the husband, but it was still nowhere close to acceptable behavior. Husband Lite. So we went from twenty years to two, which is a major upgrade! But I also gave her this zoomed out view, so that she would be ready in case she noticed something that didn’t feel right with the next person she dated. Even on the first date. Kick him to the curb! Have high standards, because you need it and you deserve it. We all do.

Once that’s been done to a sufficient degree, putting up that boundary of what works and what doesn’t work for us, we tend to finally attract someone that’s in a totally different category. In the case of men, it might go from the abusive caveman type – bless their hearts – to a more sensitive one. One that is naturally more caring. One that just wouldn’t do some of the same things that the others did. Not that they’re perfect, but they’re just in a different category. This is because the learning with the others has been done. It’s like we’re always graduating to the next class.

So there you go, folks! I’ll bet most of you have noticed this in your own life or have seen it in people you know. If not, I’ll bet you will now. It’s really interesting. And even though it can be tough when you’re going through it, that’s mostly because you don’t have this zoomed out view of what is going on. And now you do. It’s been said that knowledge is power. And while I don’t know that that’s always true, it sure is in this case. So I hope it helps you! And definitely spread the word on this one if you see it in your life. Let’s take the smoother and faster way of growth rather than the slower and more painful way. And as always, I’m here to help if I can 🙂

The Pause, A Deeper Dive

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So we just talked about The Pause, the simple communication tool in which you pause before you speak. I actually wrote about it in 2013 as well. And we talked about how this allows a deeper and wiser YOU to respond, rather than your triggered emotions, your wounding. So it was mainly about the emotional aspect of The Pause. What I’d like to do today is get into the YOU that’s able to respond when you pause. You know, the wiser and calmer you. The more thoughtful you. The more resilient you. The more badass and amazing you.

Before we do that though, let’s really highlight that anytime you’re feeling emotion, it’s being cleared from your energy field. It’s saying goodbye on the way out. It’s a good thing. Always remember the post called How To Heal & Clear The Past, because it’s so foundational to our journey here as humans on earth. It’s literally part of your evolution and the job you came here to do. It’s big. So there.

And now, onto that part about what’s being accessed through the doorway of The Pause. Let’s just get right to the good stuff. The more you pause, the more you’re you’re getting into blank space. And what lives in blank space? The intelligence of the universe. Your soul. Your higher self. Pure consciousness. The Light. God. You could use any number of names, which are symbols, but they are all pointing to the same thing. And that thing is amazing. And that thing is what you really are, right here and right now. We have to get our wounding healed and cleared first, though – that’s the game. And the more that’s done, the more light and soul will radiate through your body. You will shine a brighter light, for the benefit of all. And it begins to feel really, really good. Isn’t this amazing??

So say you’re in a conversation, and it could be with anyone. There’s this amazing YOU that’s always there, but something happens and you feel some amount of triggered emotion rise up. In that moment, it’s come up to be cleared. The real YOU is still there, but it sure can be tough to access. The better you get at pausing and recognizing what’s going on in the moment, though, the easier that access becomes. In a split second, you are aware of a part of you that is angry, sad, scared, confused, or whatever. In a split second, you shine the light of your own awareness on that part of yourself (like it’s a child inside). “I see you,” says your awareness. “I’m here with you, I got you. It’s okay that you feel this way. We’re being healed and cleared right now, hang in there. I love you.” That’s what your awareness says to the triggered part of you in that split second. This is how healing and clearing happens. And you get better at doing this in the moment, in The Pause, which then gives you more access to that deeper part of you that can respond in the best possible way. It’s pretty amazing if you really think about it.

And how does that deeper part of you respond? Usually in a better way, with better word choices and a better tone. Not in a doormat kind of way, though, always agreeing and caving in to the other person. The words can still be very, very strong and direct, in fact. But they’ll be intentional and not reckless. And they’ll be more effective. People will tend to hear you better. Conversations will be less combative. You’ll actually get somewhere rather than spinning in the same old circles, over and over again. Wisdom will speak through you more. And is it YOUR wisdom? No, it’s THE wisdom. Literally the intelligence of the whole universe that you are connected to.

NOTE: Let’s pause – ha – to remind ourselves of something that’s very important, something that we tend to forget. A statement like, “the intelligence of the whole universe that you are connected to” might sound super woowoo or far-fetched. But it’s actually science from the early 1900’s. Yes, folks, over a century ago they discovered oneness, even at the physical level. We’re all living in a big ass sea of connected energy. What? This stuff is legit.

So in the blank space of The Pause, something can come through you that’s not personal, it’s universal. It knows you and it knows the person you’re talking to. It knows the details of the situation. It knows the details of all involved. And it knows what’s best for their growth – and yours. And it knows exactly what to say. But it needs space through which it can emerge. And that is why we learn to pause. Are getting why I said earlier that there’s more to this than meets the eye? So much more. And the beauty is that the doorway in could not be more simple. You pause before you speak. That’s all.

So there you go! I hope you enjoyed that. And read it again as needed, so that it can really sink in. Also look at times when you feel like this wisdom has come through you, as words out of your mouth. After all, it’s your birthright. And now as you practice The Pause, it might feel downright exciting. I mean, you’re healing and clearing your past so that the light of the universe and your soul can shine through you more. And the words that the universe wants to say in that moment are able to come through. This is big, folks!! And I hope it gets more and more fun. Because it IS fun. And we all deserve more fun, not less. So happy pausing! And as always, I’m here to help if I can 🙂

Relationships: The Pause

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Today let’s continue our February relationship talk with a simple but super powerful tool called The Pause. There’s a good chance you won’t do it, though, more on that below. But we’ll talk about it anyway. It’s there anytime you are ready, and it can give you immediate results. And it’s so simple! Because it’s simply pausing before you speak. That is all.

WARNING: There’s more to this than meets the eye! So don’t be deceived by the simplicity…

I wrote about this exact thing back in April 2013 in a post called Tool: Pause Before You Speak (apparently I like fancy, imaginative titles). That was seven years ago, so it’s probably time for a refresher. That post pretty much says it all, though, so I’ll let you read it for yourself if you’d like. The first thing to understand, though, is that it’s primarily about emotion. When you don’t pause, the emotion tends to do the talking. And when you do pause, a deeper and wiser YOU is able to respond instead. Which one sounds like the better option for your life?

You see, we are currently living in a world that’s super reactive. People are having emotional conversations that are like ping-pong matches, with their triggered feelings firing off back and forth, back and forth. It happens fast, with words just coming out of your mouth. There’s often very little awareness, very little choosing of words and tone. Who is doing the choosing? Your triggered emotions. “Is that what I really meant to say? Could I have softened it a bit? Was my tone what I really wanted it to be?” Then you add text messaging, email, and social media to it and people are pressing send or post or tweet when they should probably sleep on it first. And what is sleeping on it? A really long pause.

So how do we change this? How do we act instead of react? We pause. And then we speak (or write or whatever). Because a lot happens in that pause. It changes what you say from a reaction to an action. A reaction is when the emotion does the talking and responding, as we described above. And an action is when YOU do. The wiser you that’s always there, underneath the triggered emotion, watching it all.

Pausing before you respond, even for just one breath, gives you a chance to get deeper than the triggered emotions that have risen to the surface. And there really is a wiser, more thoughtful you that lives there. Another way to look at it is that when you react quickly and emotionally, it’s really your woundedness responding. Is that what you want doing your talking for you, your wounds?? Hell no! We learn to love our wounded parts so that they heal over time; that’s what this work is all about. But in the meantime, we train ourselves to realize that anytime we’re feeling triggered, it means our wounds are inflamed. So it might be a good idea to slow down and take some breaths before responding.

Also know that we can never do anything wrong by blowing up on someone or overreacting or whatever. It’s never a “right or wrong” thing, it’s more that we might not say what we truly wanted to say. And it might be taken the wrong way, and rightfully so. And we might have to do some cleanup later. Sometimes, in fact, we might even ruin a relationship. So we haven’t done anything wrong, per se, but letting it fly emotionally all the time might make our lives more difficult and painful than they really need to be. But hey, that’s our path, that’s our journey, and we’ll learn at some point! I’m just trying to help speed things up.

NOTE: Sometimes when you do blow up on someone, that’s actually what was needed to get their attention and crack their thick shell. I think I’ve talked about this before. So know that sometimes the universe actually needs you to do that. My clients beat themselves up all the time for this, those sensitives that are so mindful of doing everything perfectly for other people. But sometimes those other people don’t treat them with enough respect. That’s when some emotion and fire might be called for. I’ve talked about “sensitives rising up” before – it’s a huge thing happening now as the Feminine rises top to take its place alongside the Masculine – as an equal. And if you’re reading this, you might be a part of it. It’s mentioned in this post about a hypothetical guy that’s been acting like a jerk regarding his child support.

So now that we’ve covered The Pause, let’s talk about why you might not do this. Because this is actually really cool. And it’s also a preview of what we’ll probably be talking a lot about in the future. You see, there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to “just breathe.” Think of it as the child inside that we talk a lot about (this is also what the “ego” is, by the way – not an enemy or something bad, but rather an innocent inner child that still has lots of growing up and maturing to do). This part of you likes to talk a lot in your head and be in charge, and when you “just breathe,” it feels like it doesn’t have a job anymore. It feels like it’s dying. But it’s not! It’s just growing up into that part of ourselves that’s calmer and wiser, mentioned above. The parent. The adult. The soul.

So I just wanted to touch on that a bit here to normalize why sometimes a part of you does not want to “just breathe” before responding to someone or something. Especially when your body is burning with triggered emotion. But also know that this burn is actually a good thing! Because it’s old emotional energy that is leaving your system, saying goodbye on the way out. Yay.

So give The Pause a shot, and let’s see how it goes. Was your tone any different? Were your word choices any different? Even a little different is huge, because it is heading in the right direction. And if so, what were the results? Were they able to hear you more? To understand what you were trying to communicate? To see where you were coming from? Did the exchange go any better at all? Less combative? More on the same team, even when navigating a disagreement or a touchy situation? The more you practice The Pause, I guarantee you’ll get those results more and more. Just gently practice, and feel very good about yourself for doing so. You’ll also get triggered less and less over time, because you’re actually allowing that old emotional debris to be cleared out. And that’s a game changer. So happy pausing! And as always, let me know if I can help 🙂

Everything Is Relationship

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We’ve done great so far this month, folks. First, we took a very zoomed out view of intimate relationships in The Relationship Post. Then we talked about about how to know when a relationship has expired (according to the universe) in The Eviction. Those are both full of stuff that’s really important to understand, because the more you see relationships – and everything else – through the eyes of the universe, the smoother and more amazing your life will be. You might even find yourself naturally manifesting better versions of other people, too, when they’re around you. It’s really amazing how that can work. Anyway, another reason why these ideas are really important for us to understand is that… drumroll, please… everything you experience is relationship!

You’re in relationship with your home and everything that’s in it. You’re in relationship with your job and all the people there, as well as the office furniture, the printer (PC Load Letter Error, anyone?), the computer, the stapler, etc. Note: If you don;’t get those references, then you should see the movie Office Space. It’s amazing. Back to the story…

You’re in relationship with your car (if you have one) and all of the stuff in it. You’re in relationship with your plants (if you have any… I currently have two and I might get one or two more). You’re in relationship with your clothes. You’re in relationship with anything that you own or use. You’re in relationship with any person in your life. You’re in relationship with your SELF – that’s a central thing that we deal with here, because it’s like the hub of the wheel, from which the spokes emerge. And note that this includes any part or parts of yourself that you don’t like or that you’re ashamed of (often referred to collectively as The Shadow, and we love them, too).

You’re in relationship with your city or your geographical location. You’re in relationship with the foods you eat and the drinks you drink. You’re in relationship with your breath… That one is huge, and I’m sure we’ll have more to say on that later. You’re in relationship with your habits, your patterns, your addictions, and your dependencies (we wrote a lot about this last month in the Dry January post, the super general follow-up, and then the Dry Anything post after that). And not only are you in relationship with all of those things, but you’re also in relationship with your perceptions of them. And you’re in relationship with your perceptions of yourself regarding them, which is big because that’s where so much of our self-judgment comes in. And we’re clearing that stuff off the planet, people, we really are!

You’re in relationship with your emotions. You’re in relationship with your body. You’re in relationship with your mind. You’re in relationship with the universe, and the plan that is has for you. You’re in relationship with your desires. You’re in relationship with your hopes and dreams. You’re in relationship with your past, that one is big. Can you see how everything is relationship?

So what’s the point of all this? I have no idea… just kidding… So let’s apply what we talked about in The Relationship Post, which was primarily about intimate relationships. And let’s also apply what we talked about in The Eviction. Because just as with intimate relationships, you can look at these other kinds of relationships in terms of your growth and how much they’re helping you to thrive as a person. Are they in the “helping you thrive” category, or are they more stagnant or even soul-crushing?

And this doesn’t mean that you’ll always love everything in your life. You might not feel like your job is super amazing, for example, but it might be the best way that you know of – at this time – to support yourself and to pay the bills. If that’s the case, then don’t just get up and quit without a plan. But you might start to ponder other options, too. And ask the universe! Say, “Universe, thank you for letting me know if there’s a better job for me now. And thanks for helping me hear you.” Then you might surf the web or ask around about job options. But you know that the universe is in charge of the whole thing, so it doesn’t have to energy of, “I have to make this happen by myself.” That’s not what we want…

So we can look at everything in our lives, and we can gently assess how healthy the relationship seems to be. Does it seem to be vibrant? Stagnant? Somewhere in between? And one by one, we can ask ourselves if that relationship feels like it’s still good or if it’s time for a change. We can treat everything in this manner. And we can certainly feel into whether or not any evictions are underway! Those are the relationships that are just miserable. It could be your job, your car, your roommate, your house, your morning routine, you name it. And if it seems like an eviction is in progress, that the universe is saying it’s time to move on because there’s something better up ahead, then we can gently ask ourselves, “Then what’s the next step, what’s the next move?” And we see what comes up for us.

So there you go, folks, we’re taking our new, zoomed out view of relationships and applying it to everything in our lives. Because we’re in relationship with everything in our lives. When you see it this way, maybe it can simplify things for you. We gently ask ourselves – and feel int… How healthy is this relationship? Should it continue? Is it close to expiration? And we know we can’t do it wrong, because the universe will make it more and more obvious if we aren’t getting the picture. And the universe will never judge! We do plenty of that ourselves, and we’re getting out of that habit as well. So I wish you all the best with all of your relationships, and I’m always here to help if I can!

The Eviction

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So we just wrote The Relationship Post, with a really zoomed out view of relationships. And we said that our goal was the same as it always is, which is so huge to understand – we’re literally learning how to see things through the universe’s eyes. Because the more we can do that, the more amazing and magical our lives will be. True story, and I’m living proof. And so are so many clients, friends, and family. It’s pretty crazy, in fact, especially since the arrival of this new year of 2020 and the new decade that it begins. Something is definitely happening, people!

We ended The Relationship Post by asking how we know whether a relationship has expired or not. And I said that “expired” doesn’t necessarily mean it will end. Sometimes that happens, and other times it changes form, say from intimate to just friends. So by “expired,” I just mean that according to the universe, it’s time for a change (which means: for the highest and best growth of each soul involved, it’s time for a change). And again, that change can mean anything, from no relationship to friends. Or no relationship for some transitional period of time, and then a healthy “friends“ relationship might naturally emerge after that.

So to know when a relationship has expired in its current form, let’s talk about the analogy of The Eviction. This one is priceless, and it comes straight from my guy Matt Kahn that I love so much. It just nails it, so clear and equally funny. The setup is that you’re renting an apartment from your landlord. And the landlord decides it’s time to evict you. This particular landlord, however, isn’t very confrontational, so more passive techniques are employed to get you to move on. Here we go…

To begin the eviction process, the landlord turns off the air conditioning in your apartment. It sure is hot outside, too, and the insulation in this place is terrible. So what do you do? You get a bunch of fans. It’s not as great as the AC, but it works. ”Damn,” says the landlord… Summer gives way to fall, with its cooler temperatures. So the landlord turns off the heat. Next thing they know, you have warm clothes, big blankets, and a really amazing sleeping bag. “Damn!”

The next thing to go is the hot water. “They’re taking cold showers now!” So they shut off the water off completely. “Now they’re bringing in big jugs of water!” The landlord turns off the power altogether, and you bring in candles and battery-powered lamps. You get the idea. Exasperated and bewildered, the landlord asks, “What will it finally take??” So the landlord send in scores of cockroaches and rats, and finally you decide you just can’t take it anymore, so you move out. This, folks, is The Eviction.

Now let’s replace the landlord with the universe, and let’s replace the apartment with your relationship. Let’s also get rid of any amount of exasperation or frustration on the part of the landlord; that’s just to make the story funny. Because the universe doesn’t have any of that. It knows that we’re all here doing our best, and it knows that living here ain’t easy. It knows that we’re going through the very brave and challenging process of learning how to shine tons of light through a human body. It knows that we all have old and deep wounds that get triggered, and it knows that we’re all learning how to heal these wounds (with self-love, of course – and we’re nailing it! If you ask me, anyway).

So when it’s time for a relationship to change form, and for those in it to move on, to what’s already destined up ahead for them as their next stop, the universe will gently make things more uncomfortable. Your feeling of a “No” will grow. The person doesn’t have to be abusive or evil, either; a “No” just means that if feels more and more like my growth lies somewhere else. And it also means their growth lies somewhere else. Always remember – since the intelligence of the universe is so vast, it’s always a long-term win-win for all involved. This doesn’t mean, however, that everyone FEELS good all the time. We’re still in a phase on earth where growth is usually coupled with pain. And I know, there sure can be lots of it. We’re moving out of that, but it takes some time to turn around the Titanic. It’s happening, though, it really is. It’s just a very long-term process.

So as I said above, you will FEEL whether it’s time to go or not. But you don’t want to be impulsive or willy-nilly about this (whoa, I’ve definitely never typed “willy-nilly” before). You want to take your time and feel into it. Remember, the universe will make it more clear over time if that’s what you need. So there’s no rush. Take your time and do it right. Don’t take forever, though, because this is how we stay way too long. Too long for the universe? No, it will grow you wherever you are. But too long for you, since it might just make your life that much more miserable. You got options, though! And we simply practice, as we go through life and through relationships, knowing that we can’t do it wrong. Because it’s all a process. And processes take time to unfold.

NOTE: It’s always the case that if you’re in a dangerous or abusive relationship, don’t feel into anything, just run! Get the hell out! Always. Feel into things later. So what we’re talking about here does NOT apply to abuse. Get out. Use your resources and leave, now. This is very important.

So there you go, folks, that’s The Eviction. Another analogy is the water faucet that has pure, clear water gushing out of it, a strong and constant flow. And slowly, the universe turns down the flow until finally it’s barely a trickle… and then just a drop here and there… you get the point. I hope this makes it clear how you might know when a relationship has expired, according to the universe. Also think about expired milk. You can still drink it, but you might get sick. But you’re still innocent in the eyes of the universe, you’re just innocently throwing up all over the place! And that’s the final point I really hope you’ve gotten – your total innocence. You literally can’t do it wrong (read something like Dying to be Me if you need to, because this is very important for your peace). Drinking sour milk isn’t “wrong” in some absolute sense. Not according to the universe, anyway. It just makes you sick. And then you get better, and eventually you stop drinking sour milk. Yay, look at your growth! And it’s exactly the same with our relationships.

The Relationship Post

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Happy February, folks. And since Valentine’s Day is this month, let’s talk about… relationships! We actually have a full month coming up of great stuff about relationships, in our customary, super zoomed out way, so stay tuned for that. The way in which we talk about things here is often different than what you’ve heard before, because our main goal is always this – learning how to see through the eyes of the universe. What an upgrade that is over seeing through the eyes of our conditioning, our wounding, and how everybody else sees things. I’ve been talking to clients about relationships in this way for a while now, but I don’t think I’ve ever written about it before. This is exciting!

So here’s the deal, the universe is all about growth and transformation. That’s why everything in our lives is actually a gift, serving the purpose of helping us on our journey of being brighter and shinier than ever before. And as this happens to more and more people on the planet, over time earth will become a much more amazing place to live. So since everything is here for our growth, relationships are no different. They are for the growth of all involved, the best vehicle for you to thrive in at that time.

Now, my understanding is that for the most part, we’re designed to be “serial monogamists.” We’re meant to be with someone that’s right for our growth at that time. And when that time has expired, we’re meant to move on. And we each grow that way (see the Note below, because I’m not saying to just bounce from relationship to relationship!). We also usually have periods of time in between when we’re not in relationship. During those times, we’re actually integrating everything we’ve learned in our previous relationships. And we’re also learning to be in better relationship with ourselves. Boom! Let that one sink in.

You see, the better the relationship you have with yourself, the more whole and complete you are. And the more whole and complete you are, the more whole and complete a partner you will attract, like a magnet. It’s all about the vibrational match. You don’t have to find that person, let them find you. Just focus on your own transformation into an amazing person. Isn’t it so interesting to see things in this way?? I love this stuff so much… And as always, you don’t have to decide on anything or believe anything. Just take it in and see what lands for you. All good.

Note That I Mentioned Above: I’m definitely not saying to just run from relationship to relationship at the drop of a hat. Slow down and really tune in to whether it’s right for you – at this time – or not. Take your time, there’s no rush. And some relationships are absolutely meant to be “until death do we part,” more on that below. Most are not, though, at least not until we’ve done a certain amount of growing. Then since all of that growth is no longer necessary (because we’ve already done it), we might find that we attract a partner to really settle down with.

Another note: I know lots of people these days aren’t sure that monogamy is for them. There are open relationships and polyamorous relationships, and I’m sure all kinds of things in between. I can see how this can be for some people, at some times. Look closely though, because what might seem to be the calling of the soul might actually be the ego’s inability to commit. Boom! So just feel into that if you’re curious about these different kinds of relationships. If it’s really that the ego can’t commit, then your best growth will be… in commitment. And the ego does NOT like to hear that. Grrr…

One More Note: I’ll be writing about this more, because it’s one of our central things, but you can think of your ego as the beautiful and innocent child within that I talk about all the time. Spirituality and psychology can make the ego out to be an enemy of sorts, to be gunned down and killed if you get a glimpse of it. But it’s just an innocent baby. Our approach is to love it into submission, so to speak, so that it relaxes its grip on our lives and allows itself to be healed and integrated, allows itself to grow up. Grow up into what? Into the mature adult of your soul! So it’s kind of a big deal.

At this point in our talk, let me be clear that I am NOT anti-marriage; not at all! But I’m pretty sure that marriage as we know it is a human concept. Remember what we said above, that the purpose of relationships, from the perspective of the universe, is for growth. So if a relationship is stagnant, and the soul feels like it is dying, then the universe could not possibly endorse that! Because that would be “clown shoes” (and clown shoes are ridiculous – don’t you like that? My friend told me that one).

So let’s break it down. As I said above, some relationships are absolutely meant to be “until death do we part.” But I think it’s pretty clear, if you take an honest and objective look, that most definitely are not. For starters, look at the divorce rate. And of the marriages that survive, look at the percentage that are vibrant versus those that are pretty much dead. Also look at all the people you know in vibrant marriages that had one or more “starter marriages.” Interesting how that works… That’s the growth that I mentioned above.

Remember our recent post about how nothing is a mistake (because it’s all a process); that totally applies here. So marriage is fine, marriage is great, marriage is amazing… but it’s not the “set in stone” thing that many of us were taught (innocently) that it is. That’s the “human creation” aspect of it that I was talking about earlier. Looking someone in the eye and saying “I do” is actually your best decision at that time. And sometimes the person we marry changes into a totally different person, one that we definitely did not marry, nor one that we would have ever even considered marrying! So there’s also that. If that’s the case, then it’s time to move on. Because neither of you is growing anymore.

We’ll talk in a future post about how you will know if a relationship has expired or not, according to the universe. And by “expired,” I don’t mean that it will necessarily come to and end. That’s often the case, but it can also be the case that it changes form, from intimate to friends. And sometimes you still end up being very close and deep “soul friends,” very valuable to each other and to each other’s growth. Just not in the intimate way that it was before. So Happy Valentine’s Month, people! And if your valentine this year is YOU and your beautiful, innocent heart, then that’s just what is happening. And it’s not an accident. And it’s a big deal, leading to the healing necessary to attract the kind of partner that you truly want, if you want one at all. And if you don’t, then you get to eat all the chocolates by yourself. Amen, enjoy. And we’ll be telling the amazing and hilarious story of The Eviction very soon.