Hello, friends. Wow, here we are all the way on the last day of January 2020, one twelfth of the way through the year (that’s 8.3% of the way there for all you mathemagicians out there). Get your Christmas shopping done! I don’t know about you, but the last couple of years have really flown by for me. They say that time speeds up as you get older (and finer, of course), and I believe it. Something’s going on, anyway… So here we are at the end of January, and many people are finishing up Dry January. Woohoo, congratulations! And if your attempt ended pre-maturely, even very pre-maturely, that’s amazing, too! Just make sure you know that it’s actually not a mistake or a failure (according to the universe, anyway). It’s all just building momentum, like a slingshot being pulled back more and more, to launch you into the future shifts that are already waiting for you up ahead.
We wrote a long and detailed post earlier this month about what to expect when you go dry, especially for longer periods of time. Now, one month is amazing. Absolutely! But also know that longer than that is when things really start to shift, when your old “stuff” starts to surface, so that it can leave your system – for good. Think of “old stuff surfacing” as a purge of old emotions. It can be shocking if this happens and you don’t know what’s going on! And if you don’t know that it’s actually normal, it can be intense, and it can take some time. But also that it cannot last forever. Thankfully… So hang in there and see it through, because when the old energetic sludge leaves, it’s gone for good. And the light – literally more of your soul, the most amazing and invincible “you” that there can ever be – moves right in to fill the space. And the light already feels amazing on its own, naturally.
It’s also helpful to know that you aren’t doing anything wrong if you find yourself feeling really good for a while and then feeling not so hot, some time after first going dry. The path to peace is not linear; it’s not a straight line upward. There are ups and downs, periods of feeling great and feeling not so great. But overall, how you feel will be trending up, toward feeling better and better. You just have to go through periods of emotional clearing along the way. So when you find yourself feeling great and then not so much, know that you’re actually doing everything right; you’re just being cleared out. It’s a process that takes time, and as I said before, it tends to come and go in waves. You got this! And give yourself major props for what you’re doing, because it’s HUGE for any human to even attempt such an endeavor. So yay you!
After the Dry post, we wrote about what a general process this actually is; it’s definitely not only about alcohol. It’s all about the process of subtraction, which refers to subtractinganythingfrom your lifethat you feel is no longer serving you. Subtracting whatever you tend to use to “numb out” to some degree, to avoid life or reality to some degree, to cope with the BS. We do all kinds of things to deal with life’s challenges – these are our addictions and dependencies, big or small. And they’re all actually innocent. Because I get it, life can be hard! In fact, it can really, really, truly suck… And “feeling painful feelings” isn’t always high up there on everyone’s to-do-list, especially with the current lack of emotional education and emotional understanding in our society. We use our addictions and dependencies to get a respite from what doesn’t feel good in life, and they work, they really do. But the old painful feelings just wait to come back another day. And at some point, something deeper in us calls out to see what’s on the other side. That’s when we might go dry, from whatever it may be.
So today I’d like to talk about the rest of the year, the next eleven months (the remaining 83.3% of 2020). Of course this doesn’t apply to my friend that’s going dry for all of 2020 – two friends, in fact! That first Dry post was for them. This is for those that did Dry January or any such thing last year or in the past, whether they considered their efforts to be a success or not. And again, I literally believe that it’s all a success, because it’s all a long-term process of learning how to kick ass more and more at being an amazing human being. NOT AN EASY TASK. And if you don’t see things that way, then you really might want to consider reading that Slingshot post I mentioned above. I mean, you should totally read it. Just trying to help.
So today’s post is for those that want to have some sort of a plan for the rest of the year. I’m not talking about anything rigid; just something different than letting it all happen randomly. Because that’s how we can get sucked back into the same old patterns that aren’t totally working for us anymore. And if you’re fresh off of any amount of dryness, then now is the time to think about it! Gently and innocently, of course… So let’s do that now.
The first thing I would do is sit back, relax, and take a look at your dry time (however long it lasted, and however long ago it was). What did you like? What did you not like? Would you like to experiment with this some more? If so, then let’s talk about some options for you. Some people do Dry February, maybe because it’s the shortest month. Others do Sober September or Sober October. Maybe those are just because of the word play, alliteration for September and rhyme for October. February starts tomorrow, and September and October are many months away. Maybe you want to dip your toes in the water again, but is there a middle ground? And is there a smaller amount of time?? Yes, and yes!
My point today is this – you can do Dry Anything. After all, you are in charge of you. You can do a dry month, a dry week, dry weekdays, or a dry weekend. You can even do a Dry Day, Dry Morning, or Dry Afternoon! A Dry Hour or even a Dry Two Minutes, I’m serious. You are in charge; you make the rules for you. And they don’t have anything to do with anyone else; that’s their business, not yours.
For a daily drinker (or whatever your “thing” is, not just drinking), a Dry Day is a very big deal, it really is. There’s a huge difference between consuming whatever you constantly consume, even a little bit of it, and not consuming any of it, on a given day. Just consider that. For many people that have been dealing with life in certain ways for a long time, with their given patterns and habits, taking even one day completely off is not easy. So we respect it, a lot.
Look at us now, folks, we have so many options all of a sudden! Dry whatever, you name it… it has a nice ring to it. When somebody that’s used to you behaving in a certain way asks why you’re not doing it, you can just say, “I’m dry!” And if they say for how long, it can be anything. “Oh, just today.” Or this weekend, weekdays, week, etc. It’s so easy. You can even say something like, “To be honest, I’m not exactly sure right now.” After a while, they’ll get used to it. They might fight you on it at first, though – that’s normal. So let’s cover that real quick (and I’m guessing there will be more on why this happens in a future writing, because it’s good stuff).
I remember when I first started to awaken and make some changes back around 2003. A good friend had said before that, “I don’t know how to evolve, but I know how NOT to.” And that always stuck with me. Then sometime after that, all of these wild and freaky synchronicities happened in a short period of time, and it really got my attention. It was as if the universe was saying, “Hey Math Boy, you don’t know jack. So stop thinking you know everything, relax, and let me show you how things work. Because I DO know.” I started inhaling spiritual books. And I stopped drinking and partying like I used to.
By the way, in all the various cultures that I come from, that’s what everybody does, and that’s what they’ve always done. Pensacola has been a wild party town since my grandfather was a boy. And he’s 100 now… Same with my high school culture, college culture, my 20’s, 30’s, etc. Same with the Southern culture that I’m deeply rooted in through my family, generation after generation on pretty much all sides. I’m not judging any of it, literally not one bit; I just want you to have some context, that’s all. So that you can see how it could be a big deal for me to suddenly start to change. And quite shocking to many of those that knew me!
When this shift began to occur, I was around thirty years old. And suddenly I just didn’t want to drink or party as much. It was really interesting how natural it was, too; it wasn’t anything that I really had to try to do. I was still very social, though, I had lots of friends, and I still wanted to go out and have fun. So I did. I’d go to the same bars and concerts with the same people, and I’d have an amazing time. But I wouldn’t drink (and I’d definitely go home earlier – like clockwork, you could feel the vibe get dirtier as 11 or 12 approached).
At first, my friends didn’t know what was going on. And they’d buy me drinks anyway. So I had to be a bit forceful at first, letting them know I didn’t want it and therefore wasn’t going to drink it. But sure enough, it didn’t take long at all before they learned. Because who wants to waste money? I’ll never forget one of them saying once, in a packed bar with a big crowd of us, and somebody probably buying a round, “When Ashley says no, he means no.” When I heard that, I knew I had arrived.
I say all this to let you know how innocent it is when people act like that. You see, when you change, it might trigger something in them (again, this will probably be a future writing). But it’s all unconscious, and therefore it’s innocent. Still, you have to be strong at first with your boundaries (like, “I don’t want the drink you just brought me, even after I already told you I didn’t want it, and you still bought it for me anyway, as if you are on charge of which liquids I consume and when.”). No worries, though, because they should get it pretty quickly. And if they don’t, I’m sorry but they might not be a resonant match for you at this particular time of your life. They might have some shifting to do first, and you never know if you all will reconnect in the future. Just stick to your intuition and your path, and you’ll be fine. And know that new friends will come into your life if that’s what is needed. But know that for the most part, these people don’t even know why they’re triggered. And that’s good to know when you’re first dealing with it. You just do you. And breathe a lot, feeling really good about your choices.
So there you go, folks, you’re covered for life now as far as engaging in certain habits or behaviors, and putting them down for a period of time. Wait, for life? Yes, for life! Now you have options that you might not have had before. Dry Anything! And why is this important? So you can be a bit more intentional about how you want your life to unfold. Otherwise, the years tend to fly by and all of a sudden a long time has passed and it’s been the same old, same old. No worries, though, because even if this happens, you can rest assured that the universe will have no problem getting your attention if it needs to! That can be the rough way, though…
Also know that if you really like your life and your patterns, then that’s great and you don’t even need to be reading this! But for everyone else, this is all about giving you some tools, a fresh way of looking at things, in case that inner voice has already started to speak up. So I wish you the best on your journey, dry or wet or damp or whatever it is! I respect it. And I respect you. Why? Because you’re here. And this place ain’t always easy. But you got this, it’s a done deal, and I’m here to help if I can 🙂
P.S. Thank GOD January is finally over… I’m never doing THIS again!! Good lord, what a train wreck, what a total waste of a month. This. Has. Sucked. At midnight, I’m going to pour a huge drink, light a cigarette, hit the vape pen, and binge watch some Netflix while scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit, all at the same time… and with a huge tub of ice cream, too. I am so excited for this!! Only a few more hours. I might just take a nap until midnight. Wait, did I say that out loud… Damn, I didn’t know the mic was still on… Never mind… Okay, umm, see you later…
Today, let’s update the concepts of failing and making mistakes. Because it is time. And the cool thing is that what we’re about to talk about actually is true, it’s actually REALITY. But it’s how the universe sees things, not how the masses do. And bless their (our) hearts… But keep in mind that the masses, including lots of really smart people, thought the earth was flat not that long ago (in the big picture). So we usually don’t put too much stock in what the world thinks. It’s time for us to go way beyond that and take a deeper look. Also this is relevant to those that did (or attempted to do ) Dry January, or dry anything else, since January is coming to an end (more on that soon). Here we go…
Let’s start with an example that anyone can relate to (because this was all of us back in the day). When a child learns to walk, does it usually fall? Yes, of course it does. And I’m saying “it” not because I’m allergic to young children (which I kind of totally am), but because I don’t want to keep saying “he or she” or “she or he” or “s/he.” It’s just easier to say “it.” The point is, kids fall their asses off when they’re learning to walk. It’s literally WRITTEN INTO THE PROCESS of learning to walk that you will fall. Usually a lot. So here’s the million dollar question… are you ready for it… When a child falls… while learning to walk… did it fail… or make a mistake? Really let that sink in for a few moments, because it’s big…
The way I see it, and I believe this is exactly the way the universe sees it as well (which is what we’re really all about here) is that each time the child falls, it’s like a slingshot is being pulled back a little bit more. And each time, it’s building momentum for when the child will be catapulted into the world of the walkers. So to be clear, zero mistakes were made, because it was all part of a PROCESS. Doesn’t this make so much sense? Absolutely! In the case of the child learning to walk, anyway… But what about with you, your life, and your past, and especially with anything that seems like it was a “mistake” or a “failure?”
Consider that maybe, just maybe, we’re all going through a process. And what process might the be? The process of becoming better and brighter people. The process of becoming more amazing, and shinier than we’ve ever been before. Here’s a great exercise – picture yourself a year ago, two years ago, five, ten, twenty, etc. If you’re honest and objective (as much as possible, just do your best), and you don’t nitpick yourself in a way that you wouldnever do to someone else, can you see how much you’ve grown? Can you see how much you’ve learned? Can you see some things you did back then that you couldn’t even imagine doing now??
That’s what I’m talking about, folks! It’s all a process, it’s always been process, and it will always be a process. And it’s working. It really is working. Just look back in time to Past You whenever you need a reminder – and really breathe and let it sink in. It’s very important to do this from time to time, it sure is for me. I always forget to zoom out and do this, and whenever I remember, it just blows me away. Every. Time. Even looking back a just a “couple few” months ago. So amazing.
By the way, I love to say “a couple few.” To me, it means “two or three,” very chill. My friend, however, thinks there’s multiplication in there. So to him it means six, because two times three equals six. But I think that’s whack. Even though I can see what he means. I just love to talk about random, unimportant stuff like this, so funny. Back to the story…
Let’s go back to those times in the past where you were pretty sure you had failed. In those moments, your body was probably reeling with emotion. And your mind was probably freaking out, trying to fix the situation or even just yelling at you a bunch. But how does it feel to think about it now? There might still be emotion, even big emotion or a burn or a cringe, but odds are it’s less than it was back then. Odds actually are that it’s much less than it was back then. And for many of you, there is no more feeling, no more visceral reaction – it’s just not there anymore. It’s a memory without all the feeling wrapped around it. That’s because over time, it’s been healed and cleared. And if not, there’s still work to be done. But rest assured, you have all the information you need right here on this blog! So you got this. Just take your time and do it right, and it’ll all be healed and cleared in due time. And it doesn’t have to take forever, either.
Now let’s get back to this slingshot, momentum-building, growth process, “no failure” thing. In those past moments from above, you probably thought you had failed. Scratch that, you probably KNEW you had failed. Obviously… But what about now? Ponder it a bit, very gently and with curiosity, and you might see that that was what happened in order for you to learn something big. You might see that the next time the same situation presented itself, you handled it differently, and in a way that you felt much better about. And if the same train wreck happened many times, maybe it was just that the slingshot had to be pulled back that much, a little more each time, until it was finally able to catapult you into that “new you” – and a “you” that could finally nail the same situation. It’s a process. And by the way, you don’t have to always like the process (I certainly don’t… working on that). But it IS a process nonetheless, and I’m simply a person in your life that’s pointing this out so that we can all speed up our paths to peace, to nailing life, and to feeling really good about it all. Yay.
Note that as with everything I talk about, I’m simply inviting you to be open and curious about this. Just breathe with it and gently ponder, no pressure. You don’t have to decide what you believe or don’t believe right now; just be open and curious, and let all of that happen naturally. And it will. In fact, your body will give you a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on its own time frame. This is especially true if some of those train wrecks are still happening! Just consider that momentum is building for a shift to finally happen. It’s a process – that word is so important to understand. Because a process takes time; it takes time to unfold. And when you’re feeling upset, confused, or impatient about the process – and rightfully so! – that’s when you love. Love the part of yourself that feels that way, all day long. And another layer will be healed. Again, yay.
Now, do I feel like there can be lots of layers? Abso-freaking-lutely!! Good lord… But I’ve been living this way for a while now and sharing it with so many others (what an honor and joy!!), and it does work. The data is definitely in. And I’m as impatient as anyone, trust me on that. So stick with the plan and consider that maybe, just maybe, the universe doesn’t know failure or mistake, it only knows process. Literally. Just be open to that, because this understanding can change your life. And even in the moment of a cringe, you can actually see what’s happening through the universe’s eyes, in real-time, so that you can still be loving with yourself. Even while the body is going nuts and the mind is saying, “Noooo, I can’t believe I just did that!” That’s a really important step on the path, and it’s yours for the taking. I’m serious, it really is, right here and right now. I’m working on it myself, in fact, and I love how it’s going. Because it’s my process. So happy slingshot-ing! This is really big stuff. And as always, I’m here to help if I can 🙂
This is a shout-out to those interested in making the road trip to see Matt Kahn in Sarasota, FL on April 17-18. It’s part of a six-city tour over the course of the year, so if you’re not in Pensacola where I am, then by all means check the schedule for other parts of the country. These live events are pretty amazing. And since I’m naturally a “connector” sort of person, I’d love to have a huge group from my hometown representing! Pensacola people sort of have an attitude, too, even though we might wear jorts and tank tops sometimes. Okay, jorts aren’t really a thing, but I kind of do wear take tops. Umm, a lot. I mean, at the beach when it’s warm, okay? No need to judge. Anyway, it’s time to anchor some REAL light in the Sunshine State. And I’m all about it.
I’ll actually be there with lots of my family members (ten total!), so I’m pretty excited about that. It might even be a super random record of some sort. And I have at least two friends that are going from here, plus a couple from Gainesville (home of Tom Petty, great trivia in case you didn’t know). And hopefully more from Pensacola, too – I know that several are thinking about it. If you’re interested, just message me or email me and I’ll add you to a Facebook group I created to connect the locals.
I wrote a long and detailed post on that Facebook group with lots of background information, based on my experiences at these gigs. So I’ll just share that below. And a huge woohoo alert! But hey, I have to reveal my true colors more and more here eventually. Here we go… Enjoy!
Hi Folks ~ This is for anyone interested in or even curious about making the road trip to see Matt Kahn in Sarasota April 17-18. So hop in the group, hop out, post, ask questions, whatever serves you! These are pretty amazing, and they’re definitely at the cutting edge of the new spirituality that’s emerging as earth transitions into straight 5D Oneness. YAY!!! And yes it’s totally crazy now, in case you haven’t noticed…
These gatherings are like a cosmic debriefings for lightworkers and angels in training (YOU). Plus it’s rehab for the totally innocent yet sticky”spiritual ego,” which is sorely needed in the spiritual world today. Most of the spiritual paths that have been around for a while have served a wonderful purpose, but it’s time for the next level. And as they linger, they can really be breeding grounds for the spiritual ego (which innocently masquerades as the soul). It’s all SO innocent! But it’s time to start to see it more clearly. Because we are ready.
So I thought I’d write something to let you know a bit more about these events. Matt is what’s called an intuitive empathic healer, and also an “open channel” (of the universe). So he doesn’t get out of the way and let some other being step in to talk. He’s totally normal, and it’s just him – but what comes through is all an intuitively-guided transmission that’s for that group at that time. He’ll channel the cities and the event titles way in advance of the tour, without knowing exactly what the teachings will be – only the titles. Then the universe will start dropping in the actual teachings as the event draws near. Often it’s the day before the event or the morning of, or even in the middle of the night. Hey, when it drops in, it drops in (the universe operates on its own time frame, or outside of time, really). And often it’ll all change when the event begins. “Oh, I thought it was going to be this teaching, but apparently it’s going to be this one!” And it always comes full circle at the end, with a nice bow. It’s also pretty incredible how so many people say things like, “Wow, it was like that was just for me at exactly this time in my life.” I’ve been to lots of these events, and you can tell there’s clearly a vast intelligence at work.
It’s also an energetictransmission, so you can really feel it. The stillness and peace are just so strong and palpable sometimes – pretty crazy. It’s like taking an energetic bath. And just by being there, you’re steeping in that 5D consciousness. So stuff is happening that has nothing to do with your mind or understanding; it’s way beyond that. In fact, he often starts out kind of all over the place, and I’ve noticed that people can get confused. But this is done intentionally to move the small (and innocent!) mind out of the way, clearing space for the deeper dive that’s to come. That might be how Friday night begins, clearing space for a deep evening session, and then for an even more ridiculous Saturday.
There’s usually a Q&A on Saturday after lunch, and that is just a spectacle to witness. You see the intuitive gifts at work, and often his access to the Akashic Records comes into play with relevant past life information. It’s all what the universe wants for that person at that time, and he’s just as astonished at what unfolds as we are, like a little kid. It’s so cool to see and to participate in. And the answers are always for everyone, not just the questioner. Again, it’s that vast intelligence at work.
Then at the end, he’ll have a book signing, and people line up to do that or to just say hi. If you do, hop in line and beat the rush! I’ve seen him stay for two hours, though that’s a bit long. We joked that he needs a basketball shot clock or some Oscars music, but he really does love serving everyone. Bless his heart, many of them are trying to get him to fix their entire lives at a book signing. That’s a bit much if you ask me. But bless their hearts, too, because we all just want to be happy and okay. So I get it. And if you do say hi, definitely say you’re from Pensacola! He’ll love to get some love from the Western Gate to the Sunshine State (credit the legendary Vince Whibbs, Sr. for that).
Holler if you have any questions at all! This is the new spiritual paradigm for you to experience (if it works out for you to do so, of course). It’s much less masculine and “work-y” than the old way, as the wise and POWERFUL feminine rises up. This shifting is happening all over the world in many areas, as we’ve all witnessed. It’s actually a bit slow to take hold in the spiritual community, though, which is so interesting. This is the end of us being a problem to fix or a puzzle to solve. It’s the end of endless digging and digging. It’s the end of subtly or unconsciously judging yourself. Amen.
Finally, the livestream is available as well. For like $20, I think? And it’s $85 for all six cities this year and available for replay through the end of the year (highly recommended). So that’s always cool to check out as well, and so affordable – but still not quite like being there in person, if that’s an option for you. I’m just passing this on, in case it lands. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy and money running through the spiritual world, all part of the plan to be able to help others as best I could. So I’ve been able to see that this is something that’s really different, a line in the sand, a new paradigm. 5D unity/oneness is here. Separation, thank you, next.
Oh – one more thing, the energies of the East, and especially the Southeast, are much different than those in the West and the Pacific Northwest (PNW), where he lives and does most of his teaching. You could say that they’re not quite as refined… yet! This is true even in a “southeastern spiritual mecca” like Asheville, NC, which still has a tremendous amount of spiritual ego. So there’s lots of maturing and refining to be done, and of course it’ll all happen, right on time. So we’ll see what happens in Sarasota, hopefully it’s not too remedial! But we’re also part of anchoring this new consciousness down here in south Florida, literally opposite the US from the PNW. And that feels really good to me, and important, something to be proud of as a 5D lightworker (which you certainly are as well, if you’re reading this far! – it has nothing to do with your occupation). So there’s that aspect as well, giving right along with receiving. And as I said above, I’m all in. Okay, that’s long enough… Much love to you! And reach out as needed, I am always here to help if I can.
Hello, good folks 🙂 So we just talked about The Upgrade. Well, what happens when you take The Upgrade and just go nuts? We have The Purge! And that’s been me in 2020 so far. But I couldn’t be doing it without The Upgrade; that’s the key to everything. It’s the key for me, anyway, because I can be very “all or nothing.” And I’m finally starting to learn to find a middle ground that’s a more sustainable way to live, and not so up and down. With The Upgrade, I’m always at least doing something here and there, so it keeps the energy and momentum from coming to a screeching halt. And I’m excited to see where all Of this leads. I’ve never done so much of it before, so we’re in uncharted territory. And I like it.
So what have I been purging? Everything. Physical and electronic. Give away and throw away. Declutter and organize. There’s still so much more to go, but I really am enjoying the process. There are two dressers in my bedroom, for instance, so I went through the drawers, for the first time in a very long time… And I couldn’t believe the sheer volume of old, unwearable clothes that I literally hadn’t touched in over eight years, in many cases. EIGHT YEARS!? They filled a massive garbage bag, the huge kind that you put heavy yard debris in. We’re talking about old t-shirts that smelled like mothballs. And I don’t own any mothballs, by the way, nor do I even know what a mothball looks like. In fact, I wouldn’t know a mothball if it fell on me. I’ve heard of them, though, and apparently I know what they smell like.
Next, I went through the hanging clothes in my closet. The rest of the closet remains, and it’s a large closet, so it’ll be a beast, but that’s okay (I’m compartmentalizing and knocking out one area at a time, while giving permission for the other areas to be a mess). Then I went nuts under my bed. Since my crib is very small, storage space is quite an issue (and yes, “crib” has been one of my favorite words for like twenty years now, and it means “house” in case you did not know). So my bed is on risers, with four of those large, clear plastic storage bins stacked underneath. And what was in the storage bins? More old stuff that smelled like mothballs. Bye-bye. Multiple huge trash bags, folks! I also cleaned the tile floor underneath and behind the bed, and that felt so good. I don’t want to be sleeping on top of a bunch of old ass t-shirts and unusable old bed sheets, along with crazy scary dust bunnies. Crazy scary dust godzillas! Seems like bad juju to me.
I also went nuts at my office. It was cool how the cable guy came to install some fresh internet a few weeks ago (my officemates moved to a new building last year and I was the lone holdout). He had to put the modem/router thing behind these file cabinets, which concealed the biggest mess in the office. Out of sight, out of mind… for four years… So it forced me to go nuts on it. Can you say, “Unopened mail from 2016?” Apparently I can. But not anymore! Now it’s spotless, and it feels so good, like Chuck Mangione.
I also swept the whole place and de-cluttered the bookshelf, then added one of those super zen fake rock water fountain things, plus a fake white orchid. And it all looks and feels amazing! Way less clutter, more space, so cool. So. Darn. Zen. Thanks for sending that cable guy to me, universe! The desk has been totally cleared off as well. Some drawers remain, and they’re on the list – all in due time.
The car trunk also remains, and so does the old, useless clutter on my porch. And the final frontier will be the Scary storage Space that I’ve been avoiding. I’m really not a hoarder! I moved around a lot back in the day and just never dealt with it. But all good, now I’ll just upgrade everything into submission, until the momentum picks up and I go nuts on the storage space. And I’m truly looking forward to seeing how all this unfolds this year. No rush.
We also have electronic purging, as I mentioned above – that’s a great one in our fancy, modern day, connected world. My email inbox is on the list, along with learning how to use Gmail “labels,” and learning how they work with Apple Mail (apparently they automatically create “folders”). So we’ll be deleting tons of old emails along with redoing things so that the inbox doesn’t even get that unruly in the future. And instead of feeling like this is a burden, I feel super excited about it! Because how much better life will be for Future Me?? So cool. Uncharted territory, folks. For this guy, anyway.
You see, this kind of thing has always felt like a burden to me before. Clean the email inbox, learn a better way to use Gmail, learn how it syncs with folders in Apple Mail, clean the car trunk, clear out the Scary Storage Space… No thanks, that doesn’t sound fun. So what’s the difference now? Why, it’s self-love, of course! That’s always the first answer here, and it really is The New Way. I’ve been doing this work for a few years now, pretty consistently as needed, and I guess that’s just what it has taken – a few years – for me, anyway. And it’s been shifting things the whole time, but from the inside-out. So it can take some time to actually see the shifts (that’s the “out” part). But rest assured, powerful stuff is happening inside of you the whole time. Just be consistent and trust the process, and your world WILL change. After all, it’s the law.
So I’ve been loving the part of me that’s been lazy with certain things for all these years. The second I’ve noticed the part of me that has a terribleattitude toward things like BS paperwork, routine office work, cleaning the inbox, etc., I’ve loved that part of myself, on the spot. Like, a lot. The breath becomes a loving hug to my heart; for real! And I’ve said to him, “It’s okay that you don’t like that stuff. It’s really okay.” [Breathe Deeply] I’ve talked to him lovingly as a parent would talk to a child in need of love, literally breathing love into him, and the child has slowly been growing into an adult. And the adult in this case is no less that the soul.
So I’ve been loving the lazy part, the “bad attitude” part, etc. I’ve also been loving the part of me that doesn’t like the lazy part! The part that judges him and says, “Why can’t you just take care of the paperwork and emails as they arise?” He gets love, too. The part that says, “Will I ever implement systems to streamline my life – and DO them – instead of letting things build up again and again and again?” He gets love, too. And I answer him honestly, saying something like, “I don’t know, that sounds amazing. I’m actually doing my best, though, and I love you however you feel about it, anytime. I totally get it. But I really am working on it.”
Note that this is exactly what our cornerstone of Loving What Arises looks and feels like, so you might read that last part again and imagine doing it in your life, at exactly the moment a part of you needs it. It’s kind of huge. I mean, it’s really huge. This stuff is super transformational, folks, and it’s also so gentle. It just takes time and practice. So it might seem like I’ve had a sudden shift, out of nowhere, but it’s actually been building for years now. And I’m just as curious as anyone to see where it leads and how it all unfolds.
So where were we… That’s right, The Purge. “Notes” is another frontier, something else I’m working on now. There are tons of notes on my phone as well as those little sticky notes lying around all over the place. I downloaded a free app called Trello on my phone and laptop just yesterday, in fact, and a friend came over and helped me get started. She’s been swearing by it for years now, preaching the gospel to everyone she knows, and apparently I’m the first one to bite. And I had so much fun playing with it! A truly amazing Saturday night. My how the nightly have fallen… Just kidding!
You see, there’s a lot that I want to accomplish in the near and far future, and my super jacked-up system – or lack thereof, really – is clearly not going to cut it. Also note that learning this new Trello thing would’ve been viewed as a bad thing in the past, intimidating and pressure-packed. And now it’s actually fun and exciting! Wait a minute, do you know what this must mean?? It must mean that some of that extreme (and often debilitating) perfectionism that I mentioned in The Upgrade is being healed. Thank freaking god, y’all!! Amen to that.
So there you go, folks! I’m just giving you a little peek into my life now, with all of its upgrades and purges. And how Interesting that it always circles back to the inner practice of self-love in our unique way, called “loving what arises,” as we shift our lives from the inside-out. So hang in there, be consistent, and see what happens in your life as you practice this. I get to see not only the unfolding of my own life, but also that of so many clients’ lives, as they learn to live in exactly this same way. It gets downright freaky sometimes, to be honest, but in a really amazing way. Because things happen that we could not have even imagined, very good things. But our healing through self-love has to happen first, as old emotional debris gets cleared out of our energy field along the way. So happy decluttering, or not – no pressure! And know that I’m always here to help if I can 🙂
Hello, good folks. Today we’re going to talk about something that’s helped me – err, IS helping me – move beyond perfectionism. And it’s called The Upgrade. It falls totally in line with the ideas of do it just good enough, do it bad, do it wrong, just get started, etc. I guess I just like the word “upgrade” because it’s so simple, and it has a nice ring to it. It popped in my head a year or two when I was forcing myself to clean and de-clutter my house. And when “upgrade” landed, I was so happy. I didn’t have to do anything perfectly or completely, just keep upgrading! And a small upgrade is still an upgrade. And I got so much more done.
So what does this look like? And I really hope you find my little idiosyncrasies funny, as well as how I get so excited about these seemingly small things. Because they add up to life-changing stuff, they really do. So the upgrade… Let’s say I’m at home and I see a pile of clutter on the counter. I used to leave it there for literally months at a time because I didn’t want to deal with it. But what I didn’t want to deal with was the WHOLE THING. When I learned The Upgrade, however, everything changed. It probably started when I saw one thing in the pile that really should be in my bedroom or in the bathroom; clearly not in the living room. We’re talking about the super low-hanging fruit. I mean, it was so obvious that it called out to me (if you read the last post about the cell phone apps on the home screen, apparently lots of things call out to me). So I grabbed that item and simply put it on the dresser in my bedroom, which is near the bathroom as well. Let’s not kid ourselves… it’s not at all where it’ll eventually be. But it’s closer. And I thought wow, I just upgraded the hell out of that! And I started LOL-ing. And The Upgrade was born.
So I got to looking around to see what else could be upgraded. And progress started to be made, constantly. And that pile on counter started to shrink, until I finally dealt with the final holdouts until it was gone. But that was only after many smaller upgrades. And I felt good about the process the whole time. When I upgrade something now, even if it’s super small, I smile and sort of high-five the air. I might even say “Boom!” or “Bam!” out loud. By myself at my house. It really pumps me up! And this only leads to more upgrading. And lots of little upgrades build momentum, eventually leading to major change.
Has your email inbox ever gotten unruly? I’m sure I’m the only one… What if you were to just delete five or ten emails? Upgrade! Because that’s five or ten emails that you don’t have to delete later. Go for the super easy and obvious ones – most people have plenty of those lying around their inbox. It’ll lead to more and more. What if you have lots of clothes to clean out of your closet, to either give away or to throw away, depending on the condition? It feels like a big job, and one you don’t want to tackle. And you keep not doing it. And you keep not doing it. And you keep not doing it. Well, don’t worry about the whole thing, folks, just go for the low hanging fruit that you CLEARLY don’t want or need anymore! And it could be one piece of clothing. I’m serious, that’s an upgrade. It’s moving in the direction you want – that’s the whole point. Plus, you get to high-five the air and yell, “Boom!” So fun.
Note… Two days ago, I took an old tux shirt and a jacket I haven’t work in five years to goodwill. Just two small items, and it felt great. Bye-bye. I saw them in my closet and said nope, you’re coming out. So I put them on the chair by my door. That was an upgrade (the car would’ve been even better, but it’s always just steps in the right direction; and the closet is the worst place they could have been, like some black hole). A day or two later, I got tired of looking at them on the chair, so I grabbed them and took them with me to work in the morning. There’s a goodwill on there way, so I pulled in, dropped them off into the dropbox in the parking lot, and kept rolling. Bam!
It’s the same thing for an unruly computer desktop or anything, really. How about all the unused apps or pics on your phone? Delete one. And feel GOOD about this, because you’re upgrading! You’re moving in the right direction, which is exactly what you want. Your car trunk… put one thing in a better place (which is often the trash). Just. Keep. Moving. After a while, the momentum picks up and you’re feeling amazing while you’re kicking ass at the same time. And there’s no pressure on yourself, no rules about doing it right, doing it perfectly, or doing it to completion. Just keep upgrading. In fact, see how tiny of an upgrade you can do. And again, when you do even one tiny upgrade, say it out loud – “I just upgraded the hell out of that! Yay me! Boom!” Can you imagine yourself prancing about the house or office doing that? It’s so fun.
And get this, the smaller the upgrade, the funnier it is. And the better you feel. And here’s the thing… the more your rules about how things should be are lovingly dissolved. This is literally moving you towards more self-love, in its seemingly small and innocent and hilarious way. Read that again, because it’s true, it really is. Even something as ridiculous and minor as The Upgrade is moving you towards loving yourself more, not less. That’s what all of these posts are designed to do, actually. And they all build on each other. So amazing.
So there we go, folks, The Upgrade! I hope you like it, and I hope you enjoy implementing it in your life. Pressure. Free. Zone. I mean, it’s just an upgrade, right? So, happy upgrading, and I totally wish I could be a fly on the wall when you’re home alone, high-fiving the air and yelling, “Boom!” Enjoy 🙂
Hi folks. Our posts have gotten deep fast since I returned from my hiatus, so let’s cleanse the palate with some more normal, down-to-earth stuff. Here we go… So sometime last year, an old friend said he had recently caught himself reaching for his phone, opening it, looking at the screen, and then realizing he had no specific reason for doing so. And he was disgusted with himself! So awesome. So he proceeded to take whatever app or apps he was going for – you know, the main ones you go to when you’re bored – and move them off the home screen and onto the second screen. Well played, my friend. “Out of sight, out of mind” were his words. Boom!
He caught himself doing nothing more than what most of us do all the time these days… When we’re bored, we reach for our phone. Unconsciously. Asleep. Like a robot. He’s just not the “waste lots of time numbing out on my phone” kind of guy, though, so he decided to take action. I thought it was hilarious, by the way, and I pointed out how rare this was. And how awesome it was!
Now, did I go and make the same changes to my phone? No, I didn’t feel the need nor the desire to do so at the time. He did, though, and he said it totally cut down on his use of those apps. It could be social media apps, games, news, sports, shopping, “chat rooms” (that sounds so sketchy), or anything; whatever you unconsciously and robotically go to when you’re bored. That’s the key, “unconsciously and robotically.” If these are apps that you consciously and intentionally want to use at that time, then great. But if they’re ones that you might not use, or might not use nearly as much, if they weren’t always right there staring up at you, then you might want to consider moving them. Why? To take more control of your time. And to take more control of your life.
So fast forward to more recently, when I started noticing these “time killer” apps more, along with the effect they were having on me. I might be on my phone for something totally legit, like using the calendar to schedule a client. And when I’d finish up and close it out, there they would be, enticing me, mocking me, calling to me like some Sirens’ song. “Press me,” they would say. “Open me up.” And I’d do it. And I’d waste some time. Yay.
Note that I’m not a huge “phone time-waster guy” either. I mean, I do it, but it’s not too crazy or anything. And let’s face it, the modern day cell phone is freaking amazing! And it’s absolutely there for us to use and enjoy. But as we do the dance with our phones and all of its apps, the question is, “Who is leading the dance?” I love that. Also note something I mentioned in the recent post called “Spiritual Bypassing.” Sometimes when we’re having trouble letting go of the stickier things in our lives, it might be more so that they’re not yet ready to let go of us. And why? Because there must be some gold in them that we have not yet gleaned; there must be a lesson yet to be learned. And as I’ve said before, often it’s all about learning to love ourselves anyway, first, including the parts of ourselves that feel guilty or shameful or wrong or mad about it. “Why can’t I stop doing this?” Which too often leads to, “I suck. I must be a terrible person” (or some more subtle version of that).
So we learn to love those part of ourselvesexactly as we’d love an innocent child that’s having a tough time, and after a while it all heals. We notice that we begin to feel less mad, guilty, shameful, and wrong about the numbing that we do, FIRST. And then after that, the outer shifts will begin to happen naturally. This is a different way to do it, very inside-out. And I think it’s absolutely the way to go. Also note that it’s much less masculine than the old “inner drill sergeant” way. I’ve done a TON of this newer type of healing myself, even recently. So my love and respect for myself didn’t waver as I noticed myself on these apps for no reason, even while simultaneously thinking, “I don’t even really want to be doing this right now!?” It was just a robotic habit. And I had zero problem with me while it was happening. And I think I had to get to that point before I was ready for the shift to happen of doing something about it.
NOTE: This is a simple example of phone apps, but it does have an effect on our daily lives. But here’s the thing, it’s the same exact concept with anything we use to numb out on or to waste time with. It’s “plug and play,” as the tech people used to say. Love the parts of yourself that feel mad, guilty, shameful, or judgy first. So now you’re loving yourself even as you do it. And then the shifts will happen naturally. Because it’s a new you, an up-leveled you, a shinier you, a more whole and complete you. And that version of YOU doesn’t have anything else to learn from those sticky habits anymore (i.e. unconditional self-love). Well done, you!
So what did I eventually do? I did what my friend did! I moved two of the apps, which were the main culprits, to the second screen. “Out of sight, out of mind.” Now I only use them intentionally, when I actually want to. And my time spent on them has been cut way down. I’m starting to lead the dance, and it feels great. So there you go! Again, we’d gotten a bit deep and heady here recently, so it felt like it was time for a more “down-to-earth” topic. Change your phone’s home screen, change your life. You got this. And if you don’t then that’s fine! But make sure to love and support yourself anyway; you must be going through a growth process, an up-leveling. And that’s a very, very good and amazing thing. So give yourself some love and respect. Now go play on your phone some more…
When I wrote about the guy in the social media post that apparently, hypothetically wasn’t paying his fair share for his daughter (So… Is This A “Guy Thing?”), I mentioned the term “spiritual bypass.” Let’s talk a bit more about that, because it’s really common these days in the spiritual world (and because I’ve done it a ton!). So what is this all about? Basically, it just means using your spirituality, practices, and beliefs to avoid life, to avoid the real, messy, painful world.
Note that we do all kinds of things to avoid life. And before we proceed, let’s keep in mind that this is innocent! I. N. N. O. C-E. N. T. Not to go all Aretha Franklin on you, but this is really important, and central to your long-term peace. My space is always a guilt-free zone, whether it’s my office home, website, car, or whatever. So please take a nice, deep, loving breath if you’re triggered even slightly by the words that follow, and keep that in mind throughout. I am incapable of judging you. That’s because I I know how tough earth can be, and honestly I think everyone is always doing their best, literally, whether their best at that time seems okay or not. And I’m always trying to help you to judge yourself less. Now, I might have to slap a restraining order on your ass, but there won’t be any judgment. Let that sink in (remember that there’s the inner and there’s the outer – how we see things versus what we do).
Look, we’re all in whatever stage we’re in, and that’s just how it is. And if we’re bypassing certain aspects of messy earth because we just don’t feel ready to deal with them, then that’s just what is happening. But let’s not pretend that’s not what is happening. Own it first, and with innocence; be totally honest about what’s going on, and without judging yourself for it. “Wow, I really suck at this! It sure must be a huge growth area for me… How cool is that?” In a super loving and matter of fact tone. I’m totally serious, try it out sometime. That’s a HUGE step toward moving beyond it. Back to the story…
So we do all kinds of things to avoid life, to avoid messy earth. Numbing out daily (or almost daily) with alcohol, weed, pills, or other substances is super common. But what about playing on your phone? Or gaming? What about working long hours (unless you absolutely need to in order to make ends meet)? What about compulsive exercise, meditation, or yoga?? Pretty interesting when you think about it… It can be anything. It’s all about why you do it, and the quality with which you do it. If I’m exercising to be healthy and/or because I enjoy it, that’s a lot different than doing it to escape life. Same with over-working, keeping busy, and anything else. In this case, that “anything else” is a person’s spirituality. So let’s get into some.
I said above that “spiritual bypassing” refers to using one’s spirituality to avoid life. I looked it up to be more official, and I learned that the term was actually coined in the 1980’s by a Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist named John Welwood. He defined it thusly: “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” Well said, brother! That is amazing. And how about the word “thusly,” folks, how cool is that?? Talk about amazing… But is it really a word? I think it is, but let’s check. Remember that I’m a math major… BOOM! Totally nailed it. So happy about this. Okay, so back to the story…
So what might this look like? Imagine the person that always tends to run to their meditation room (or prayer – it doesn’t have to be super woowoo) when there’s an argument or a conflict. And note that we say “always tends to,” because that’s important here. We’re not talking about someone that wants to drop in and get clear to see if they’re missing something in a given situation; that’s fantastic! Do that, please do that. But don’t run and do that; don’t do that first. The person that “always tends to” do that is avoiding the conflict, avoiding life, avoiding reality. And they might not even consciously know this is what they’re doing. But I’ll bet if they drop in and ask honestly, they’ll get a “yes.”
Note that it’s a really huge leap for a bypasser to be able to do that, though – to even ask themselves if they’re avoiding something, much less to listen for an answer (note that answering a question and listening for an answer are very different). It’s a blind spot. I know, because it’s been me so much! And I’m sure there are plenty of things that I’m still bypassing, but it’s all good. Remember our innocence from above, that’s SO huge. Sometimes we just aren’t able to face certain things because the universe wants us to learn to love ourselves anyway, as a firststep. That way, all the guilt and shame around it can be healed and cleared – and then the real shifts begins to happen. Definitely more on this later, because it’s big, really big. And it’s definitely big with people that can’t stop numbing with alcohol and substances, too. It’s so interesting how that works. This is real, legit healing from the inside-out. So yes, much more on this later. Back to the story…
So what else might spiritual bypassing look like? I’ve seen this a lot… Say a person chooses to end a relationship, and for a perfectly good reason, but it still devastates the other person. That person is heartbroken and crushed, as well as feeling helpless, since there’s nothing he or she can do. Remember that it takes two to enter a relationship, but it only takes one to end it. So there’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship, nothing at all. But we do want to acknowledge the effect that it has on the other person and try to be as respectful as possible. We want to do it the right way and not be a wrecking ball. You get the idea. And the first time I ended a relationship in wrecking ball fashion was in fifth grade, actually. I’m serious! It was so terrible, and I definitely didn’t know any better. I still feel bad about that… So I’ve been there and done that. Also please know that we’re not talking about leaving someone that’s legitimately abusive. In that case, get the hell out and don’t look back! And as I said in the post prior to this, get mean. That’s all common sense, so that’s not what we’re talking about here.
So how does spiritual bypassing come in? Let’s say the one that ended the relationship is into spirituality. They might say the other person is putting out “bad” or “negative” energy. But can’t it just be that they’re actually heartbroken, crushed, and devastated? And that they’re having a normal reaction under these really painful circumstances? It might not feel good, but lots of things that are normal on earth, like painful situations, don’t feel good. This is something I’ve actually heard before – and most likely done before! – and it fits so well here as an example. It’s also not a “low vibration” – it’s pain and sadness and hopelessness. And it’s normal when earth gets messy. Not fun but normal.
Another super common one (that I know from personal experience) is sending “love and light” from afar to someone with whom I have an unresolved conflict, rather than facing that person and the situation. Rather than dealing with the situation the right way. Rather than acknowledging what’s going on, and all the pain that’s present. Rather than asking if there’s anything that can be done to help. In the breakup situation above (which is a great example here), obviously the person can’t come back to the relationship, but maybe there’s something they can do. Like meet and talk. Listen. Communicate. Acknowledge. That type of thing. That’s what we do on earth when we’re handling our business. Then after you’ve done that, you can bless the person all day long, that’s awesome and very kind. But that’s not primary, it’s secondary at best. You get the idea.
There are plenty of other ways of bypassing, and you can always take a look around for yourself; there’s plenty of material out there. But what it’s all about is honestly trying to handle things and deal with things, or not. And I’m not saying this is easy. But it is important. When awful things happen, people might say things like, “Focus on the good! Stay positive!” Thanks for not helping (even though you mean well!). Or spiritual people might not even engage with real issues, including relationships, because they think they’re more advanced than someone else or “above it all.” Or because they’re too sensitive. Or because it’s all a dream, an illusion (I totally did that… sorry…). Or because they have to consult their spiritual teacher or their horoscope first. Or because negativity is a low vibration. This stuff happens, people! All the time. And it’s innocent. But we’re ready to move beyond it, too. It’s 2020, and this is what we’re doing now! Boom.
So there you go, I wanted to say a bit more about this topic since I just touched on it in the “Guy Thing” post. I’m here as a change agent to help bring us into the brand new, heart-centered spiritual paradigm (definitely more on that later), and this is a great example of the kind of thing that’s being seen more and more, and being cleared away. So yay! Now let me get back to my video game and my cell phone and Netflix and Reddit and some ice cream and a scotch some pills and… Just kidding 🙂
Hello, good folks 🙂 What I’m about to do here is way out of the norm for me, for reasons that you’ll see. And I mean no harm to anyone, I really don’t. Not the normal beginning to these blog posts! No assumptions about anyone I don’t know, and no judgment whatsoever. Literally. This is all a big hypothetical “what if…” And then we’re going to learn some important and amazing things, because it all ties perfectly into a topic that I’m sure we’ll be covering plenty this year – because it’s a thing! It’s a huge thing now on the planet, and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. And that topic is – The New Man.
The caveman days are past us, folks, and it’s time for the masculine to step it up in terms of its evolution. And it’s starting to happen, it really is, despite the awful things you still see, hear, and experience. Now,let’s get super general… The masculine evolves by allowing its feminine aspects to come into proper balance. And the feminine evolves by allowing its masculine aspects to come into proper balance. You can read a couple of posts from 2015 that talk about the New Feminine: Insecure, Codependent Female? Not Anymore… and Women Rising Up! And apparently now, almost five years later (yes, the feminine is totally more advanced), it’s finally time to address the masculine. Why? Because of this “random” post I saw on social media the other day… Seriously folks, the universe works in mysterious ways.
NOTE: I think I’ve said this before, but I use the terms “masculine” and “feminine” rather than “male” and “female” because we’re talking about qualities. Bodies can be anything, since all beings – in whatever flavor of bodies they’re in – have both masculine and feminine qualities.
So basically, I’m responding to a social media post that a friend made about her baby daddy. But it’s so classic; I see this in my office all the time. That’s why I’m responding to it. I immediately realized that my readers can benefit a TON from this, especially the sensitives and people pleasers out there that let others treat them disrespectfully, and the people that don’t want to put up a boundary because it might not be “nice.” Even when the universe is screaming at them to do it. Sometimes the universe needs you to get a little mean to get a person’s attention, and to put up a damn boundary, and a firm one at that. “Sensitives Rising Up” is a huge thing that’s happening on the planet, and it’s been happening for a decent while now. It describes most of my clients, by far. And me! So this is really good stuff. And note that “Sensitives Rising Up” is really the feminine allowing its masculine aspects to come up and into balance (i.e. the evolution of the feminine). I just love this zoomed out way of seeing things, don’t you? It’s so simple and clear. So this post will talk about the evolution, the future, of the masculine and the feminine, all rolled into one. Yay.
Now for the big disclaimer: I do not know the guy that’s involved. And I’m aware that I’m hearing only one side of the story, although it seems to be pretty honest and based on mathematical facts, as you’ll see. So let’s literally act like this is a fictional story – that way we can glean all the gold nuggets we can, and without getting bogged down by whether a specific detail is true or not. Because this is a blog that’s designed to help people, and I think this story can help a LOT of people. Or else I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole! Because I’d hate to disparage someone that I don’t know and be wrong about it. I’m not into that. But this is just so rich, and with such common themes that I see all day long in my office, that we have to milk it for what it’s worth and learn. So here we go… And did you like my tip-toeing there? I don’t have a legal department, so I’m doing my best…
So I saw this post my friend made, and she was taking a survey. She has a young daughter, it sounds like middle school or so, with a man. She and the man are no longer together (I don’t know anything about their history). There’s no legal arrangement for who pays what, and it sounds like my friend is paying for way more than he is. That’s the math that I’m talking about – either it’s true or it isn’t. Let’s try to keep this as simple as possible and stick to the facts. She said they “split rent and bills,” and then she pays for everything else. That includes insurance, as well as clothes and shoes. It includes extracurricular activities, including ballet and tap, and soccer. Each of these activities has its own kind of shoes and uniform, and for a growing girl at that. My friend said she even paid for their daughter’s last birthday party, and with no assistance. None, zero, zilch. Not a penny.
She said that when she’s tried to get more financial help from him, he’s made it very hard to actually get the money. She described her last attempt as a “wild goose chase,” having to eventually get it from a third party, weeks after it was due. She says she has envelopes full of receipts and bank statements, all for naught. She also said he hangs out at a local bar like five nights a week. I’m not judging the act of hanging out at a bar, not even every night, but I am pointing out that if that’s true, it costs money. So my friend says she goes without, pinching pennies, stressed out, even asking her own friends for their hand-me-down clothes – all so she doesn’t have to deal with this guy by asking for his fair share. She works and goes to school, and he works a lot. He tries to reason out why he’s right and she’s wrong (classic over-masculine… don’t fall for their “debate champion” techniques). But to me it’s just math. It sounds like it sure is in this case, anyway, because their lifestyle definitely doesn’t sound excessive. Not even close.
She says that her daughter loves and benefits from the extracurricular activities, as do most kids. Because it’s really, really, really healthy. And for so many reasons. There’s the learning of the skill or activity itself, along with creative expression that nurtures the heart and soul, social interaction and development of social skills, physical activity that’s good for the body, confidence, hand-eye coordination, balance, etc. She said she’s written all of the expenses down, divided the amount in half, and she gets nothing back except for his cruel, demeaning words and defenses. He even says she’s “nagging” him, and he says their daughter doesn’t need any of that stuff. And then he goes to her recitals and soccer games. Come on, bro – you can’t have it both ways. If this is even remotely true, it’s just math. And it doesn’t add up. Is that what “fuzzy math” means? Just sayin’.
She said he’s also blamed her for getting pregnant in the first place… ouch. What’s more, she said he’s done his best to manipulate their friends to get them on his side and to even think she’s a terrible person. And it’s worked to some degree! Maybe even to a large degree from the sound of it. So she feels lonely and isolated, with these people that were her friends now thinking she’s no good. And he gets to keep the friend group. I’ve seen this a ton, too – it’s classic narcissist, just do a quick bit of research. And know that those aren’t true friends, by the way. Yes this sucks, it’s painful and hurtful, but there absolutely must be higher caliber friends out there. And as you’ll see below, it sounds like a lot of these people are in the yoga community. If this is true, even to some degree, then it feels very shallow for what true yoga is about. More on that below, because we’re going through an evolution of the spiritual world now, in addition to the evolution of the masculine and the feminine (and everything else!). And that’s really the reason I’m here. Back to the story…
So she posted the question, “Is this just a guy thing?” She’d heard that before, but her heart said no way, that’s crazy! So why not take a survey? And the answer from those that responded, which is super obvious, was… “Oh Hell No!” So let’s try to break down what we can learn from this. First is the “Oh Hell No!” part. If their lifestyle were extravagant and excessive, as I said above, then I could see some objections. But not to birthday parties, insurance, and basic extracurricular activities. Not to clothing and shoes (and I’m guessing everything else that the daughter wears or uses, aside from “rent and bills,” such as toothpaste). So we’re very clear there. No way, it’s definitely not a “guy thing.”
Next, let’s talk about something that really fires me up. Okay, the final thing fires me up even more, because it ties into my true life’s purpose as stated above, so let me simmer down a bit… Ahh, that feels nice. Okay, the next gold nugget gets into the “Sensitives Rising Up” theme that I mentioned earlier. Many commenters asked why she didn’t just take him to court? After all, that’s exactly what the court system is for, so use it. And what did she say? “That would be mean.” She doesn’t want to do that to him. Umm… To my friend, I love you. But I’m going to blast away a little bit here. Because this is a huge thing on the planet now, and it’s time for it to come to a damn end…
Wait! Let’s soften a bit first, with some love (see the feminine rising up to balance the masculine that was ready to blast away – this is what I was talking about above, so cool). First, let me say to all the sensitives and people pleasers out there – and I’m actually one of you! – THANK YOU. Thank you for caring about others. Thank you for caring so much that you would put others before yourself, even others that treat you disrespectfully. Thank you. And I truly mean that. Some people hurt others – intentionally – and then they actually feel good about it. Read that again and let it sink in. Could you even imagine doing that to someone? Intentionally?? No way, and you know it. Can you see how different that is?
So thank you, and we need more of you on the planet. But know that the universe is also forcing your hand at rising up, having a backbone, having a spine. Being strong, putting up boundaries, saying no. Saying that’s not right, that’s not okay. Saying, “I deserve respect. I deserve to be treated well.” Getting a little bit mean when needed. And even taking someone to court if the universe is simply giving you… no… other… options... Feel into it and do your homework on what that would entail, because maybe that’s your next step. Remember that we’re always looking for just the next step, not the next twenty years. So whatever it is, do it. Do your research, do your homework. And get a little bit mean. It’ll feel good and appropriate after a while…
Wow, that felt fantastic. As we softened by letting the feminine arise, the words that came out described how it’s time for the feminine to stand up by letting the masculine arise! That’s so cool, the ole flip flop. Now let’s address the “mean” part. Is he being mean? Taking someone to court after all.. of… this… dragged… out… ridiculous… unfair… nonsense… IS NOT MEAN! It’s right. And get this, is he growing by being allowed to act like this? No way. And will he grow if he’s forced to “man up” and take better care of his daughter by paying his share? Yes, absolutely!
NOTE: What we just did there is huge – we shifted to seeing through the universe’s eyes, and asking what the universe wants. Because that’s the real question, in any situation. And it always wants growth and transformation for all involved, so that we can all shine a brighter light on the planet. More on that below. But a very important shift.
Taking someone to court, even when he’s forced your hand (read: the universe has forced your hand, and for the growth of all involved), might seem mean to you at first. But he hasn’t listened, he hasn’t done the right thing. Over and over and over. He’s basically said, “You’re going to have to be meaner to get my attention.” And for a sensitive, this can be very painful! But it is time, because it sounds like you really have no choice. And this is exactly what I’ve helped so many clients with over the years: “If you think that’s mean, then get mean, dammit! Please get freaking mean!” And I absolutely love it, helping these beautiful souls find their inner strength 🙂 Because it’s not mean at all; it’s strong, it’s right, and it’s fair. It’s tough love for the narcissist in an attempt to crack open that thick ass shell. Read that one again and let it sink in, because it’s exactly what is happening. Hey, something has to get their attention, and apparently the universe has asked you.
When the pendulum has been swung WAY out to one side for a while (doormat), it’s normal for it to swing a bit far out to the other side (seems mean to you) before it naturally settles into its sweet spot (amazing perfection). So be mean; it’s healthy for you, and it’s actually what is best for your soul’s growth. This is literally your spiritual work practice now. Read that sentence again, and maybe even close your eyes for a few seconds and breathe and really let it sink in. This is your spiritual work right now – it’s literally not yoga or mediation or energy stuff or whatever else, IT’S THIS. And to be honest, there’s nothing mean about it 🙂
So the last part about soul growth and spiritual work brings us to the final thing, which is what really fires me up. And remember, this is hypothetical! Seriously. But this is a thing on the planet now, not the details, but the same general vibe of it, so it’s important to talk about. So apparently this fictitious person teaches lots of yoga and even mentors others (budding yoga teachers, it sounds like). He’s also a massage therapist. And if the essence of what was posted is even somewhat true, then I sure hope he reads this, to be honest. Because I want him to learn and grow and benefit, I truly do! If he were real, that is. I want that for all of us, because we’re all souls in bodies doing our damn best. And without a User Guide, in case you haven’t noticed. And sometimes our best sucks. So there’s zero judgment. But sometimes we do need to get rocked a bit to get back on track. So here we go. And angels, please help me do good job here 🙂
NOTE: If any spiritual people get triggered, please read all the way to the bottom. Maybe more than once. There’s really good and powerful stuff in these words, and maybe it’s all good. But if they trigger you, then it’s actually still all good, because there’s a very good reason for it! And you can always reach out to me to discuss. And know that I love you, I love everyone. We’re in this thing together, we really are. We got this. But the spiritual world is in the beginning of a massive shift, and I know that it can feel like an attack sometimes, regarding what you’re used to and what you’ve been taught. Back to the story… And yes, my zig-zagging here is absolutely hilarious. Classic sensitive not wanting to be mean.
So the true, modern spiritual path – for most people today – is not so much about the fancy, mesmerizing, esoteric stuff. It’s much more about messy earth. It’s not about activating the higher chakras, it’s more about clearing the lower chakras (yes, you read that correctly, because then the energy moves right up). It’s about being human. It’s about being a good person. It’s about acting with integrity. It’s about dealing with your stuff. It’s about being open and honest in relationships. It’s about trying your best to be a good communicator. It’s about respecting others, since they’re a soul in a body as well (just like you).
Lots of people are amazing at yoga or mediation or energy healing or astrology or whatever, but they still tend to act in an unsavory manner to some degree, and a bit too often. And they think they’re super evolved and even superior, in many circumstances. The problem is that they’re putting the cart before the horse. I know because I’ve done this and lived it, and for many years. Definitely not to the degree of this hypothetical character, though, but it’s the same idea. What’s up is that these people are in spiritual middle school, that’s all. And that’s not a judgment, it’s an observation. Because we all have to successfully pass middle school to get to high school, college, graduate school, doctoral program, etc. So middle school is just as important as any other grade or age! But someone that acts in this way, make no mistake about it – they’re not nearly as advanced or evolved as they think they are. But all good. Own it, embrace it, and do the work – and ask the universe for help – and you’ll shift just fine. It’ll most likely take some time, though, so slow down and don’t rush your path; the universe is in charge, and it knows exactly what it’s doing.
I’ve been intoxicated by fancy spiritual stuff before, and for many years at a time. And that’s what was supposed to have happened. So I get it. But we have to eventually get the order right – deal with your sh*t first. Be a good person that respects others. That. Comes. First. The basics. I’m not against yoga, energy healing, astrology, meditation, or any of that, not at all. It’s amazing, in fact! I’m totally a woowoo; I’m just a reasonably integrated one, and getting more integrated all the time. Because there’s an order to things. And I had to put the horse back before the cart, after quite a long and arduous – and painful – journey in the spiritual world. So I try to help people avoid this detour if and when possible. I took a very thorough detour, in fact, so that I could spot it really well and then help others – to save them time, energy, lots of pain, and the inevitable self-judgment, no matter how subtle. I’ve just seen it so much where someone replaces the basics with the more esoteric, the more fancy and complex. And that’s what someone that’s spiritually immature would do. Because that stuff is very alluring, very intoxicating, very shiny. So no judgment. Let’s just get the basics down first, that’s all. And you’ll be much happier that way.
So to our hypothetical yoga teacher massage guy, I say this… First, be a good, respectable person if you have not been. If you have not been. If you feel – not think or reason or justify, but FEEL – that you should be doing even one percent better, then do that, now. Don’t think, just do. Remember, this is your spiritual practice, this is the fast way. It’s actually no longer the stuff you’ve been doing. That was perfect for then, but this is now. It’s a path, and there’s an order to it. And the universe knows the order, not you. Deal with the issues that are in front of you if you have not. And again, don’t try to argue and reason and manipulate – that’s nothing more than useless mental masturbation. If you have a child, it sounds like you owe more money. Own it, it’s just simple math. You got this.
Also know that “it was your decision to get pregnant” doesn’t work anymore. That one is done, period. This situation is real; it’s already happened. It’s a done deal. And when you pay, pay on time, making it easy and effortless. That’s what a true yoga master would do. Treat her how you’d like to be treated if the roles were reversed, and be proud of yourself for doing so – that’s your spiritual practice. It’s called spreading the light, and it represents real spiritual evolution. Then, knock yourself out with all the yogic study and practice you want. But only after you’ve taken care of your business. You got this, brother.
Note that this process will most likely take years, so again, slow down. Right now, it sounds like you’re being led by your “spiritual ego,” which most people don’t even know about or talk about. I had no idea that it existed for well over ten years, and I was right in the middle of it! I was the poster boy for that, and innocently, I might add; it’s all so innocent. But it’s rampant in the spiritual world and definitely so in the yoga community. It’s your ego dressed up in spiritual garb, saying spiritual words, reading spiritual things, etc. But it’s not your soul. It sure can look like it and feel like it, though! Your soul deals with the expenses of having a daughter, even when it’s not happy about those expenses. And even when it’s not happy about having a daughter. Earth is messy, earth is real. And people use spirituality as a bypass all the time (look up “spiritual bypass” – like, now – it’s really important to understand this – I’ve done a TON of this). That game won’t last long, because your soul will get louder and louder over time. And the universe might even use the court system or something else that’s harsh to bring about the shift that needs to happen and that is ready to happen. There’s the smooth way and then there’s the way that rocks you. Try to get out in front of things; it’s much less jarring to your system and to your world.
NOTE: If these words regarding the spiritual stuff have been triggering in any way, then that’s simply your spiritual ego bumping up against the truth. And if not, great! Also know that your spiritual ego is actually not an enemy or something bad, but rather an innocent baby in your heart that needs your own love and attention to heal and to feel safe. And it wants no part of messy earth. It has a good gig now, trying to stay above it. It fears growing pains. See it, love it, reassure it, and it’ll actually integrate back into your being. It thinks this process means death, but it really means going home. Home into your heart. That’s where the self-love comes in, which is actually the centerpiece of the new 5D spiritual paradigm. Not complex spiritual knowledge and fancy practices and what not. That stuff is great, but it’s NOT central. Loving your heart’s wounds is central, and allowing your energy field to be purged of all its old emotional debris from lifetimes and lifetimes. Just scroll back on this blog and read a ton and you’ll get the idea.
I’d also check out to a ton of Matt Kahn for some spiritual ego rehab. Here’s his YouTube page, and if you contact me, I’ll even send some audio tracks on a google drive so you can check them out. He has two excellent books and a brand new card deck that redefines card decks (I’m serious!), and also an active Facebook page. There’s so much here on my blog (if you scroll back) that might help, including stuff about him as well and the teachings that come through. He’ll be in Sarasota, FL April 17-18. Go. And take your spiritual tribe with you. This is the new 5D stuff. Bigger, stronger, faster. But it doesn’t look like you might think! It’s way more integrated. That’s what 5D means – oneness (which is even a scientific fact from the early 1900’s). Oneness, the marriage of opposites. Bringing together the spiritual and the material into one (that’s what “integrated” means, from above). But note, it can trigger your spiritual ego to pieces, even with his super loving delivery. But that’s a good thing, a very good thing. Yay 🙂
I love you and may you be blessed with all the light and healing there is. I wish you a smooth journey. But I’ve seen people like you, hypothetical yoga bro, and I’ve been you. Innocently. It was part of my path, my stepping stones. You really might want to try to get out in front of the shifts the universe is going to have you make, because it will be much smoother that way, as I said above. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way, over many years, because I was being trained to be a helper in this exact area. But timing is timing, and I’m certainly not in charge of that; that’s the universe’s job, and it’s a mystery to me. I honestly have no clue what your path is. But it does feel like a shift is imminent, and I truly wish you all the best with that. And may the angels and guides and helpers all assist in the most graceful way possible. Amen.
And to my friend, your next step is most likely to use the court system! Unless he has an awakening (and soon – no more messing around, okay??). And holler if you need to or if you have any questions or anything, I know this is a lot. But you got this. And getting stronger isn’t mean, it’s actually what the universe wants for you (and requires of you, eventually – life will just get more painful until this happens). Because you will ALL benefit. You’ll grow, he’ll finally be forced to grow, and your daughter will benefit as well since you’ll be less stressed about money and her dad will be more fully involved (kids pick up on everything). I send love to the situation, and I wish the very best for all involved!
And one final time, let’s zoom out and remember that this was written about a hypothetical situation to illustrate some important points that are very relevant today. And it goes with themes and types of characters that I see in my office and in the world all the time. I’m just doing my best to help us see what’s going on in the bigger picture, so that we can shift faster to the New Earth that we all want and that we all deserve, and that’s on the way anyway. Much love to you all, and peace out! And as always, I’m here to help if I can 🙂
We’ve been talking lots so far about making changes. I laid it all out in a comprehensive post about “going dry.” Then I spelled out (much more briefly…) how that post is really about subtracting anything from your life that you’re ready to ditch, not just drinking. Then we talked about how the fast way to big change is actually slowing down and allowing yourself to make just one change at a time. Do it right. And then a new you emerges, and THAT YOU is the one that’s best suited to naturally and intuitively feel out whatever is next. Does this make sense?
When we do things in this manner, what happens is that the universe gets put in charge. All of my work, in fact, is about putting the universe in charge. Because that’s a massive upgrade over your ego! And your ego is simply the beautiful and innocent child inside of you. Do you really want your inner five year-old running your life? That’s what I thought. Neither do it. Now, let’s really break it down…
There are steps from Point A to Point B, and the universe knows the best route. Point A is you now and Point B is the shiniest possible version of you, better than you can even imagine. Do really feel more qualified than the freaking universe to navigate the best route?? Come on… The best route is the fastest, smoothest, and most efficient. And the universe already knows exactly what it is. Boom! Thank you, universe.
I love the analogy of stair steps, or steps on a ladder. Better yet, picture a super chill, zenned out path of stepping stones. And let’s say these particular steps are spread so far apart that you can only go from one step to the next. Trying to jump two or more at a time literally isn’t possible in our imaginary little world; it’s just too far of a distance, it’s just math. So we go from Step 1 to Step 2 to Step 3, etc. Very natural. What many of us are doing, though, is looking at Step 5 and busting our asses to get to it, thinking that’s what has to be done. We’re innocently thinking this, trying to improve our lives, but we’re trying to get there from Step 1, or from some step other than Step 4. And it’s just not working, because we really need to be at Step 4 if we want to go to Step 5. Just sayin’.
Now that’s a lot of math, so let’s try to bring it down to the “real world.” Step 5 might be quitting smoking. And you just haven’t been able to do it, time and time again. And you judge yourself and belittle yourself and beat yourself up as a result. And that sure doesn’t help you quit smoking! Now, let’s say Step 1 is where you are now. What if Step 2 were just walking more? Not too much, just be consistent. Go for 3-5 days a week. Or use a step-counter (phones can do this) and do it that way. That’s a brilliant way to do it, because it’s so convenient – and it might not even feel like exercise (nothing against exercise). So you have a feeling, or the idea pops in your head, to do some light walking, and you do it. Note that this doesn’t have anything directly to do cigarettes, but the way.
So after you’ve settle into your new walking program for little while, you might naturally feel like it’s time to eat better. Nothing extreme, just make some better choices, most of the time. And keep it simple. Oh, that was Step 3 and you didn’t even realize it since it was so natural! Hmm, interesting…
At this point, you’re walking more and eating better, and that’s fantastic. As a result, you’re probably sleeping better and feeling better overall (and note that none of this is very time-consuming or extreme). Then all of a sudden, you realize that your job is awful, it feels soul-crushing, your boss is downright abusive (bless his heart), and you deserve better! You ask around, you look online, you do what you do, and eventually you find a new job. And wow, your whole life feels different now! Stress levels are WAY down. In fact, you didn’t even realize what a toll that job had been taking on your entire wellbeing until it changed. Then the contrast with the new job made it super obvious. Oh, that was step 4! Are you seeing what’s happening here?
Now all of a sudden you think to yourself, out of nowhere, “Whoa, I think I might be ready to quit smoking!?!” You weren’t even trying to do this, and the thought just popped in your head, along with a feeling of confidence, of excitement about the possibility. It feels much different than before, when there was a huge contraction in your body at the same thought. And there was zero confidence. What a difference! So what’s going on here??
Folks, we are now at Step 5. Can you see how it’s a totally different YOU that’s emerged from Step 1-4? And this newer, up-leveled version you is actually ready to tackle smoking; the past versions simply were not. And they weren’t supposed to be. Because there’s a timing to everything, there are steps, and the universe knows the damn timing and the steps. We use our intuitive feeling to feel out – and relax into, as best we can – the next step, of the smoothest path… that’s already laid out for us.
I’m actually doing this now, in fact! I tried to jump like 27 steps last year, and the universe was very decisive, saying, “Down, boy! That’s not how this thing works, son. Chill out and learn the lessons that are in front of you now, and you’ll grow faster than you can imagine. Then stay tuned for the next step.” Boom. And here we are. And I am so psyched, and it feels amazing. I’ll be talking a LOT about this coming up. It even involves a whole new Law of Attraction. By the way, if you’re stressing yourself out trying to manifest things, please stop. And book a session. Trust me.
Folks, something is different. I don’t know what it is, and maybe it’ll flame out. And that would be fine! But something feels very different. Many clients and friends are experiencing the same thing as well. And the woowoo’s say we’re in a big new energetic cycle, literally a new consciousness. Hey, I’ll take it, I’ll take it all. And note that the craziness in the world, the upheaval, the natural disasters, might actually be the shaking up and burning away of the old energies, the old consciousness.
And please know that I don’t use the word “burning” lightly, knowing what’s been happening in Australia with the fires, and California before that. I’ve loved Australians since my tennis teacher, Brian Sakey, moved to Pensacola when I was a kid, 10 or 11 years old. He was a HUGE influence on me, as well as on half of Pensacola and beyond! He might be the most awesome person I’ve ever known, in fact. Read that again – huge words, I know. I also went to Australia for a semester abroad during my senior year of college. It’s an amazing place, and the people are even more amazing. So my heart is with them all the way.
But I absolutely do believe that all of the old, outdated stuff is being shaken up and burned away on this planet now, preparing us for the New Earth that people have been talking about. This is how you get there; it’s the fastest way I know. And it’s all about YOU shining a brighter light FIRST. Read stuff like this blog posts from just this month, even, and you’ll be well on your way. You might read the links as well, to some older, very foundational posts. That’s what it’s all for; to help you shine a brighter light by teaching you how to do it. And the light already feels amazing. And it’s okay to feel proud of the light you’re shining, because it’s a very big deal. Your shifts benefit all those around you, and the goodness actually extends out to the entire planet. So I hope these posts are helping you. And hey, reading more might even be your next step 🙂 Peace out!
Recently, I wrote a short tome about Dry January and “going dry” in general. That was followed up with a brief post pointing out that it wasn’t only about subtracting alcohol from your life, it was actually about subtracting anything that is no longer serving you. I said that in a way, this information is a blueprint for transformation in general, legit spiritual transformation. So it’s to be very respected. And on the other side of the shift, no matter how difficult (or not) it is, waits a version of you that you can’t even imagine now. And you’re not supposed to be able to imagine it, though, because it’s literally a new you. And the universe already knows every detail! So we can relax into that and let it happen, let it unfold. Just focus on the shift that’s in front of you.
Which brings us to what today’s message is about – that we only have to do one thing at a time. Many of us go all or nothing, so we try to become a totally different person starting on January 1. And we all know by now that that usually doesn’t work. If you’re going dry for a while or making any change that’s not easy for you, that’s a big deal, then give yourself permission to just do that. When the mind says you should also do other big shifts (diet, exercise, journaling, meditation, yoga, etc.) – and then you feel pressure or contraction in your body – then gently tell the mind, which is simply your beautiful and innocent little inner child, “Honey, first I’m going to do this [insert change here, like going dry for a month]. And yay, us! What an amazing thing to accomplish. And we’ll see about those other things after that, when it feels more natural. And thanks for your help, I really appreciate how much you want to help out. That shows me how much you care. Thank you so much.” And as always, we take some deep breaths to let this really sink into the body.
Doesn’t that feel awesome? As you make a big shift, a new you emerges like a snake shedding its skin. It’s literally a better version, the best yet, a 2.0 (or 37,000,000.0 or whatever). And the new version of you, shining more light than before, more healed than before, more whole and complete than before, will be able to feel with its intuition what the next shift should be. Or whether it feels best to relax for the time being and let the first shift take a deeper hold. Remember, the slow way is the fast way. Because we’re doing things right. And in the right order, which the universe already knows (that’s what your intuitive feeling is connected to, by the way – that’s why it’s best to practice tuning in and listening to it).
So give yourself permission to relax and do one thing at a time, especially when making a big change. We respect our undertaking, we respect ourself for undertaking it, and we try to really do each change right. And then it’ll feel natural to start eating better or to start exercising or whatever. Otherwise you’ll feel pressured, and that does not increase your chances of sticking with these healthy shifts. So there we go, happy shifting! And also happy “allowing yourself to relax and do just one at a time” – it really does work better this way. And as always, peace out and I’m here to help if I can 🙂