Howdy, folks! It’s been a little while, and we’re back. I’ve been working like a dog, with more and more amazing shifts that have blown me away. I even took a week off recently and went back up to the NC hills that I often visit. The leaves hadn’t changed colors yet, so we had a major “first world problems” situation. It was nice to take a full week break, though. With all of these sessions, my life has had no balance at all. It’s felt like a nice rite of passage or phase, though, and balance will come. In fact, the main insurer here, Blue Cross Blue Shield, decided to slash our rate to a ridiculously low level, so I had to get out of their network. So that might slow things down. It feels like the universe shifting things for me, though, and I’m just sitting back and watching the movie, letting it unfold. It feels right. Anyway, it’s good to be back because there’s so much to talk about. So let’s start with everybody’s favorite topic, awesome women that are with narcissistic dudes!
NOTE: It’s the dynamic that is the point, so it could be any gender, transgender, straight, gay, whatever. It’s most common in this configuration, though, and that’s what I’m seeing in my office, so that’s what I’m writing about. But the gender is not important; it’s the dynamic.
It’s truly wild how often I’ve been seeing this lately. What makes it especially wild is that the dude that’s my main teacher now, Matt Kahn – and there’s that major man crush I have on him, too – he talks about this all the time. And it’s like they’ve just been parading into my office, one after the other. And I get to be the one that validates what they’ve been thinking and feeling for a while, asking, “So are you done yet? Have you had enough? Do you really think he’s going to change?” It’s awesome. And I know it’s not fun for them, but as they move through the process and step into their power, well, it’s just such a cool thing for me to witness. That’s why I can talk about it so lightly and matter-of-factly… because I’ve already seen the other side. I know what they look like on the other side, and it’s so much better. And they feel so much better! The universe really supports them, too.
These women tend to be energetically sensitive, so they fit with the narcissist like puzzle pieces. They’re the opposite of these guys in many ways, these guys that often don’t seem to have feelings. Of course they do, because we all do, but they’re afraid of their feelings so they take their pain out on other people. Sometimes they even get mad at the women when they cry or show emotion in any way. WHAT?? Emotions are part of being human. Here’s the deal, though – we don’t have to judge these guys, because that’s just where they are. We don’t scream at a seed for not being a flower yet, do we? It’s a timing thing, and they just aren’t there yet. We can leave the relationship, though, and let them go through their process somewhere else, while we continue on our own journey. Being stuck with them for another year or two – or another decade or two – is NOT mandatory. It’s optional, but sometimes it takes a while for a person to really get that. It’s usually not easy to leave someone. And these women are energetically sensitive, so they don’t want to hurt anyone. This is called vibrational codependence – wanting everyone to feel good all the time. But pain is part of a person’s journey, so denying them that is denying them their growth and evolution. What’s more, these women end up staying in crappy, abusive situations and so they’re the ones that end up living in the pain (while the guys get to still be jerks that mistreat them). It just doesn’t make sense. But after a while, enough is enough. They come in and we talk about it and we’re able to see it more clearly. And then the idea of staying gets to be more painful than the fear of leaving and “starting over.” It’s like when that see-saw tips to 51-49 in the other direction. Awesome!
I mentioned above that the universe supports these women when they leave. I was talking about socially, financially, employment-wise, and the like. It also supports them with tests, though, tests that say, “Have you had enough?” So I always ask them what they’re going to do the second their next partner shows some of those familiar signs. Run! Or even say something, calmly and powerfully, like, “Hey, that doesn’t work for me. So if that’s how you are then you’re going to have to do it over there. Not with me; I don’t play that game anymore. You’re going to have to up your game if you want to be with me.” One woman was married to a jerk for twenty years before she finally left. But she saw me two years into a relationship with another one. Hopefully that one won’t make it to twenty years, unless the guy has a major spiritual awakening. Which doesn’t often happen with a narcissist… Two years is a long time, but at least she’s headed in the right direction. And when she moves on from him, maybe the next guy that shows those traits will get kicked to the curb immediately. And what happens after that? She’ll probably attract someone that treats her with the respect that we all deserve.
So let’s talk a bit more about respect. Lots of times, energetically sensitive beings allow themselves to be treated like doormats. There’s no respect there. And my readers know that our number one thing is self-love. So we start there. And as we practice that – as that becomes more comfortable and natural and constant – then the willingness to be treated disrespectfully starts to shrink. Our courage to stand up for ourselves grows. And that’s when we ask what the hell someone’s thinking the first time they act inappropriately! Because we finally KNOW that being alone is way better than being with a jerk. And the more we love and respect ourselves, the more we attract those that love and respect us. That’s just how it works. And if you’ve been with some real jerks, look at the progression. Are they getting less jerky? Even if you aren’t where you want to be, maybe you’re actually headed in the right direction. And by diving into this radical self-love stuff, well, that’s the fastest way I know to get where you want to go.
Finally, let’s look at the timing of this, with what’s going on in the world right now. It’s a theme that the mistreatment and disrespect of women is coming out into the open and being seen. And when something has been seen, it can be healed. Look at Hollywood, with Harvey Weinstein and James Toback. There are journalists and political commentators like Bill O’Reilly, Eric Bolling, and Mark Halperin. I saw an article about how sexual harassment and abuse is rampant in Washington, DC. It’s often been the same with women’s athletics, too, like the US Gymnastics program. And even the celebrity chef John Besh, apparently! I hated seeing that. He has a beach house on our amazing and soulful Pensacola Beach, and I’ve heard his company is a great one to work for. Oh, well. Something is shifting on the planet, and it’s important. And it’s time. And we’re all a part of it. So there you go, just a little tale of what I’m seeing in my own office, taking part in the healing and clearing of this outdated stuff for the whole planet. And to the old way, good riddance. And as always, you rock, and let me know if I can help!