When Feeling Good For The First Time Feels Strange

Posted Posted in Client/Friend Stories

It’s always nice for me to see people start feeling better. Some of them, though, are feeling good for the first time in their lives! Or for the first time in many years, or even decades. And it feels strange to them. So what does their mind do? It does what it often does best, it freaks out. It makes this into a problem. This sure is a good problem to have, though… Because we can absolutely handle this.

When feeling good feels strange, weird, or even uncomfortable, what’s really going on is that it feels foreign. Isn’t that interesting? Nothing bad is happening, and there isn’t any problem; this feeling just feels foreign. And the good news, as we know very well by now, is that this foreign feeling is simply energy, and it’s waiting for our loving attention. When it gets that, it can open up and move, just like in our recent post about The Edge. So instead of freaking out about it or making it a problem, or even blaming yourself for something, you can just love the one that feels that way. Wow, what a different alternative! You notice there’s a part of you in that moment that doesn’t feel comfortable, so you basically give that part a big inner hug. And yes, I know that sounds funny… But it’s very powerful when you really get it. You let that part of yourself know, “I’m here with you.” It’s the inner child. And then you put your breath wherever your body feels the uncomfortable feeling and you simply relax. And after a while, this feeling becomes familiar. And it feels good, really good.

I have one client that’s experiencing this right now, and he has it to an ever greater degree. This is because he’s been dealing with some issues over the years that have caused him to be labeled as a “f*ck up.” Now, though, he’s starting to do well, and he’s even gotten some praise from people that didn’t know him before. They have no frame of reference for him, and they think he’s a great person. And when he hears them say this, it feels very strange! He’s not used to making a good impression on people, and when he’s gotten some really positive feedback, it’s felt super weird and uncomfortable. But that’s okay, because now he knows that it’s only uncomfortable because it’s foreign. And he knows that the uncomfortable feeling is energy, and that it wants to move. And he knows that he only has to breathe in and receive into the cells of his body any positive recognition or compliments. Just breathe it in, let it sink in. He’s a thinker (like me), and the mind has nothing to do. And each time he practices this, simply receiving and breathing it in, the feeling shifts more and more from foreign to familiar. And then it feels better and better. And… normal, natural. Isn’t that cool??

So there you go, a brief little post about when feeling good feels strange or even uncomfortable. And how this is no big deal! If you have the right information, that is. That’s a big part of what we do here, in fact – provide information. And then we talk about how to practice living it. And over time, we feel better and better. The mind can make anything a big deal, though. But now we’re onto it. And that feels good, even if for the first time.

Holidays: Missing Loved Ones

Posted Posted in Other Cool Topics

I’ve been working with someone to help her heal from the passing of her husband of many years, and now the holidays are coming up. The holidays can be a very difficult milestone for those dealing with grief. And since I just wrote up the 2017 Guide To The Holidays, it popped in to write something about missing loved ones during this time of year. She’s the client that had the cool experience of her husband communicating with her via The Flutter that I wrote up not long ago. Even when one has had clear signs, though, including the visitation dreams that she’s had, it’s still tough. So let’s talk about it.

Of course we’re doubling down on loving the part of us that’s in pain and that wishes our loved one was still here. And the part of us that wants the pain to go away, that wants to be over it. And if you’ve started dating, we’re loving the part that feels guilty, if that part is there. Because you are not guilty; you are living, you are surviving. We’re loving all of these parts of ourselves the very second they show up to get our attention. That’s always number one for any human in any situation. And isn’t that cool?? One primary answer, one go-to response, always. It’s very simple, yet so powerful.

Another thing that’ll help is to “normalize” how you feel. I’ve said before that our inner wisdom/common sense often normalizes how we feel, if we’ll only ask. Oftentimes when a person isn’t feeling great or is triggered, their chatterbox freaks out. But if they were to ask their wisdom about how they feel in that moment, it might say that it’s entirely appropriate under the circumstances! In other words, we can expect sadness and pain, maybe even a lot of it, during the holidays. This is especially true if it’s the first holiday season since the person’s passing. So relax into it and let it come and go in waves. And yes, breathe. The breath is the wind that pushes the weather through – when the weather is ready to leave. And love the one inside that’s in pain (aka your heart) so it won’t feel so alone and abandoned. By doing it in this way, knowing these feelings are energies that are leaving your system, the waves will pass faster and faster. And you’ll even feel more light and spacious in between. And when it comes again, love yourself and relax into and let it do its thing. It’s only trying to leave, allowing you to feel better and better in the long run.

Where we’re headed, after true healing has taken place, is to a place where most of the sadness and pain has been replaced with a feeling of love and celebration of what you had, knowing that it can’t last forever. And since I’ve talked a lot here about how I absolutely don’t believe in death – only death of the temporary body – where we’re headed is from missing the love of the body to receiving the love of the living soul, right there on the spot. Where we’re headed is having a real relationship with the living soul and its present love, which is absolutely real. When a feeling of pain or sadness turns into a reminder to receive the present love and join with the soul right then and there, well, that’s pretty cool. That’s a game changer. But it can take some time to get there. The first holidays without them might not be the time. I’ll bet the second holidays will be, though. Just practice. And come see me if that’ll help; we do this “joining in love” thing in my office all the time. And it feels awesome. Note, though, that every human body has its own level of sensitivity. Some people feel more than others. It doesn’t mean that anyone is better of more advanced, though; it’s just different flavors. Every body is different, plain and simple.

Another thing that’s similar to loving ourselves is being really nice to ourselves with our inner voice. It’s okay to miss someone. It’s okay to long for them. It’s okay to feel small or powerless as a result or their loss. It’s okay to feel hopeless. It’s okay to feel like the holidays will never end. It’s okay to feel angry. All of this is okay; whatever shows up is okay. Be honest about which parts of you are showing up, and love them one at a time. When you do that, they’ll start to feel better. So YOU will start to feel better. And the waves will pass faster. This will be a totally different experience than if you’re criticizing yourself. Because did you ask for this?? No way! So you’re the LAST person you should be mean to. That’s soooo important.

A final thought is something that might surprise you. It came up in a talk I gave earlier this week in a different context, and they all laughed. But it was true. Sometimes it’s okay to lie. I want you to be your own best friend and supporter no matter what. And if the holidays are really kicking your ass due to grief, and there are some events you just don’t feel up to, and you think it’d be more trouble than it’s worth to be honest about that, then lie. It’s okay to say you feel ill. Or you have another obligation. Or you can only be there for part of the time. It’s not like you’re trying to becoming a pathological liar or something; you’re just trying to make it through the holidays. This is a very short term situation. So take your time, breathe deeply, and feel it out. And if your best option seems to be telling a pretty innocent lie to protect yourself, then by all means do it. And don’t have a shred of guilt about it. But… if you feel you could be honest, then it might help to deepen that person. It might help to deepen your relationship with them, allowing it to become more authentic. So feel that out, too.

There you go, folk, some thoughts on grief during the holidays. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. That’s always first. To get through any tough time, you need more love, not less. And you are the only one you can expect it from. And it’s okay if you’re learning how to do this. The ability and power to do it is built-in, so that’s good. All it takes is learning and then gentle practice. If you’re reading this, then you’ve already learned, so it’s just time for practice. And of course the universe will give you plenty of opportunities, as it so skillfully does. And as always, let me know if I can help. But… you got this.

Your 2017 Guide To The Holidays!

Posted Posted in Other Cool Topics

Well folks, it’s that time of year again… The Holidays! So here’s your 2017 Guide To The Holidays. This might be the earliest it’s ever come out, in fact. Last year it might’ve even come out after Thanksgiving. Not good. Let me check… [checking]… Umm, even worse, there was no 2016 Guide. The 2015 Guide was the one that came after Thanksgiving. My, how time flies… Anyway, I think we’re doing a great job this year, so let’s get this party started.

So what can we expect this year for our Holiday Guide? You guessed it, a huge dose of self-love. It’s been a big year for us, since A Clean Mind 3.0 emerged this summer. And it’s all about loving the one inside that shows up in any moment and is having a tough time. Love is the most powerful stuff there is, so it only makes sense that that’s what we’d be using on a moment-to-moment basis as needed to heal our hearts. That’s why this work can be so transformative, and often so fast, considering the huge shifts we’re making. So if love is that powerful, and if we’re learning how to use it pretty darn skillfully with ourselves and with our hearts, then that’s what we’re going to use during the holidays in case things get dicey. And for many people, if not for most, things absolutely will get dicey. Because they’re the holidays! So bring it on. Because we got this.

First of all, note that we have eight previous Holiday Guides: 2012 General2012 Thanksgiving, 2012 Christmas, 2013 Thanksgiving, 2013 Christmas, 2014 General, 2014 Special Edition: Being With Bad Family, 2015 Christmas. Wow, I had no idea. So you are very supported. You can also click Archives on this blog, scroll down, and find gems like Dealing With A**holes from November 2012. Fortunately that was written before the world ended later that year. And wow, I see that I published sixteen blog posts that month. Maybe I was preparing for the apocalypse, but it’s more likely I just didn’t have many clients yet and had nothing else to do. And wow, how this work has transformed since then! I could never have imagined this. And my, how I have transformed as well. What on earth will 2022 look like? That’s another five years away. Maybe those flying cars from The Jetsons will finally be here. Back to the holidays…

So the main thing we’re doing is loving our hearts whenever it’s needed. We can expect family to do what family does best, which is to remind us of the past. To define us by the past. To hold us to the past. It’s usually not even conscious, so don’t even worry about it. Just get really curious, and have an attitude like, “Wow, I wonder how this year’s going to be? Maybe it’ll be awesome! But maybe it’ll be a total train wreck!! I’m going to just buckle up and enjoy the ride. Because I’m going to do my best, and I’m going to love myself through whatever happens. And when it’s over, I’m going to gently look back and see how it went, and with absolutely no self-judgment; only self-love. And I might even talk to someone like Ashley to help me grow faster so it’s not so painful in future years. And then I’ll have a long break, and then bring on next year’s holidays. Because I got this.” Doesn’t that feel good? That’s an excellent attitude right there, very healthy. And very realistic and honest, too…

Two things come to mind to talk about now. One is how amazing it is when you’ve de-powered evil family members that used to hold great power over you. And you get to a place where you honestly feel sorry for them. They’re in such pain, and they might know it or might not. But they’ve never dealt with it, and you were always a convenient target, so they tried to put their pain out on you. They’ve abused you. They’ve neglected you. They’ve mistreated you. And you never deserved it. But then something miraculous happens. You learn this stuff that we talk about, and you practice it, and eventually the balance of power starts to shift. It comes back to you. Because it’s actually yours, and it’s been yours all along. It’s just that nobody told you that when you were a kid. And you know what, it’s okay to be angry about it! Love the angry one, and tell him or her that since there’s no time machine to go back and try to change things, we’re going to do our best to master it now. That’s all we can do. But man, it sure starts to feel good when the same things that would’ve destroyed you in the past don’t even create a feeling in your body except one of sorrow and sadness – not for you, but for them. It is sad. But some people are just not ready to deal with their stuff. Which brings us to the next point (and that segue was not planned… I love it when that happens).

It’s the analogy of the seed and the flower that I heard from Matt Kahn that I think I’ve mentioned before. The universe is in charge of timing, and the universe is actually really smart. So if something’s a seed, it’s supposed to be a seed; it’s not supposed to be a flower yet. Period. And I’m sorry if somebody else’s “seed-ness,” or spiritual immaturity, has affected you in a negative way, or even in a traumatic way. Thanks God for healing. I work with lots of the people that have been affected, perhaps by abusive parents, and I know that it can be very painful. And in many cases, these folks are seeing me decades later to heal. But you know what? They are healing! They are healing, and that feels so good. I mean, it feels amazing for me, so I can’t even imagine how it feels for them. So there is hope for you. But as for family members that’s just aren’t the best people, they’re still seeds. And it’s not your job to know when they’re supposed to bloom into flowers. This doesn’t mean you have to let them mistreat you, though. So do your best with that and see someone like me to help prepare yourself if that feels right. But loving yourself through it by loving your heart the second it notifies you that it needs it, through a feeling of pain, will help more than anything else I know. And it’ll give you the strength to respect yourself and your boundaries, and to communicate that as needed. This self-love stuff really does lead to some serious power, folks.

So here’s to the 2017 Holidays. Even if you feel like an alien in your family. Like, how did I incarnate with these people?? There’s actually a reason, but it sounds a bit woo-woo for this blog. So come in if you want to talk about that. (As a hint, it means you’re actually a badass). But using what we talk about here, you got this. Bring it on, because you got this.

And a note to my family, if any of them are reading this: you’re amazing! Seriously, I came into a pretty awesome family, where people were either already pretty well-developed or they took care of their stuff when they needed to. I work with so many people, though, and I help them with their families, so I can say for sure that this stuff works. Oh – and if at any time you revert back to feeling like you’re a ten-year-old, go to the self-love big time! That’s just old stuff coming up to be released. If super old feelings, super old energies, come up, then good riddance. It’s literally old energetic debris leaving your system, that’s all. The cells of your body are being freed of some very old garbage. A 250-pound backpack is being removed from your back. Yay! And you can look back afterwards to see what it took to trigger you that much, work on it, and then see what happens next year. And the intelligence of the universe will give you the exact practice that you need during the time in between. So we can relax into this whole thing and let it happen. You got this, and as always, I’m here to help if I can.

The Flutter

Posted Posted in Client/Friend Stories, Cool Supernatural/Paranormal Stuff

A client has been working with me since her husband of many years passed, and a cool thing happened recently. She was walking in her backyard, and she was talking to him. Like me, she does not believe he is gone. Rather, he has changed form. He’s in a different body now, and it’s not physical. But it’s still a body and he’s still here. As readers of this blog know***, to me there’s a mountain of evidence for this, and it’s growing all the time. It won’t be too long before the belief in death is a relic, seen to be what it is, simply ridiculous. And yes, I cry at funerals! Totally. I get sad and I miss loved ones, and I’ve experienced great pain over that. My dad would be the biggest one. Which reminds me that I had a good cry over that with a recent client, and it’s been over fifteen years. I’ll be writing about that as well, because it’s a pretty cool story. So I don’t say this to minimize anyone’s experience; I’ve had the same experience. It’s just that facts are facts, and The Future will know very clearly – and thankfully! – that death is of the body… and we are not a body. So after we take our final breath in the physical body, we then take our next one in a different body. Call it a soul or a light body or whatever, but that’s what we do.

So my client was talking to her husband about helping her get through a date of all things! That’s a close relationship right there, by the way. And where he is, there isn’t this possessive or competitive thing that we have here. It’s just different. And of course he wants her to be happy, because she most likely has many years left. So she is doing the very brave thing of dating. She knows it’ll be tough, but it’ll speed things up. And she refuses to let this destroy her, leaving her all alone and sad for the rest of her life. I really do admire her spirit, as I tell her often.

So she was walking in her backyard asking him to help her survive a date she had that night, and she heard “a distinct fluttering of wings,” like a hummingbird or a dragonfly. It was right in her ear, like right there. She turned her head to look, and there was nothing in sight. Wow. So she kept walking and talking to him, and a little while later, she heard the same thing. RIGHT THERE. Not subtle. Real. Again, she turned her head to look, and again there was nothing there. What?? But of course she knew. This was him communicating with her. I am here. I can hear you. And I am with you.

How did she know? Well, she had a pretty obvious intuitive sense, for starters. It was just too much of a strong sound, a strong sensation. It was not subtle. There was a time that I first felt my dad’s love about a year after he passed. I don’t think I’ve shared that here, so I guess I’ll do that sometime. That night changed my life forever, literally jaw dropping. But when I tell people about it, I always say that – “it was not subtle.” And I’ll slap my arm or something as I say it. Slap! And I’ll say it was as subtle as that. Not subtle. Real.

The other thing is that she’s had two “visitation dreams.” I don’t recall the details, but they happened before she came to see me. And she described the most beautiful feeling. Usually in these visitation dreams, the message is, “I’m fine, all is well, and you have nothing to mourn or worry about. It’s all good, and I am here.” I thought I’d written about these before, but I just searched and didn’t find anything. Basically it’s a dream in which the one that has crossed over appears and visits you. But it doesn’t feel like a regular dream. It has a more realistic quality to it. Usually the person looks great and feels great, despite their condition at the time of passing. They might have a glow. And they’re giving you a message for those that are still here on earth: “I’m fine. Go on with your lives and live fully and love fully. I am here and it’s all good.” Back to the story…

Just for fun we looked up “hummingbird meaning” and “dragonfly meaning.” After all, you never know when you might read something that resonates, so why not take a look-see? Here’s what it said for the hummingbird: “Always actively seeking the sweetest nectar, they remind us to forever seek out the good in life and the beauty in each day. The prime message is the sweetest nectar is within!” And she’s trying to enjoy life again. She’s declaring that she didn’t ask for this; she didn’t ask for him to pass at this time. But she cannot and will not stop living. And of course our work is all about the fact that the sweetest nectar is within. Hummingbird meaning… check!

Here’s what it said for the dragonfly: “The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world, symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self-realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.” Wow… Change is pretty obvious. She has been undergoing some major change, and very rapidly at that. And self-realization, that’s what we do. Realizing we are the Self and not the self, you might say. Mental maturity? Check. We’ve been talking about listening to and dialoguing with the voice in the head, the part of us that’s loud in any moment. And tuning in to the quieter voice within, the one that’s so much nicer and smarter. Emotional maturity? Check. We’ve been kicking ass in this department, talking about emotions in a way that’s new for me, and that I haven’t shared yet here. Things have gotten a bit deeper than I intended this blog to be, so I’m not sure yet how I’ll portray it. It’d be a post meant for empaths and energetically sensitive beings, though – a different way of seeing things that drastically lightens our load. And the deeper meaning of life? We are bringing heaven to earth, so to speak, and that’s what this work is all about. Dragonfly meaning… check!

So there you go, good folks, the tale of The Flutter. I love having a front row seat for so much amazing stuff! And I could not feel more honored. And of course I love sharing it with you. I hope you are enjoying it, and as always, let me know if I can help.