Hi folks. So, I totally forgot that I usually write something about the holidays, since so many folks have issues around them. And the stuff we talk about here really, really, really, really, really, really can help. Like, a lot. Because our feelings come from our perception of things and not directly from the things. And the holidays seem to be an extreme example of this, kind of like adding Miracle-Gro onto normal life. There’s also the whole issue of hanging out with family and old friends, and that can be very much tied to the past. Bringing the past back up. Again. Because they knew you way back then and might not have updated their version of you. But your power is still yours! It’s inside of you, and you have to give it to others for them to seem to have it. It’s just happened so automatically our whole lives that it seems like they just have it. And what power is this? The power to make me feel a certain way, like angry or sad or anxious or small or guilty. Wow, that’s quite a soup! Well, no thanks. I’d rather go without that and instead practice feeling as good as I can regardless of how they act or what they say. And over time, you never know what kind of transformation will take place within the context of your relationships. Because you are changing.
I have one super awesome friend that’s really seeing some old family dynamics very clearly now. It’s not a bed of roses yet, but she is well on the path. Old dynamics that have been in place for decades (if not lifetimes) are now being seen for the first time. WOW! That is HUGE. Many of us are outgrowing some old BS now, and seeing it is the first step. Then you can make a choice as to whether you’ll continue with the pattern or not. And if you decide it’s time for change (or evolution), there might be some uncomfortable conversations. But would you rather play painful games for a few more decades? Probably not…
I have a client that’s really seen the power of how she sees things this holiday season. It’s always been a tough time for her, because her husband died this time of year. She was his caregiver, and it was a very painful situation. So those are the lenses through which she has always viewed the holidays. Well, now she knows the rules of the game. So when she see Christmas lights, she can choose to just let them be lights. And she sees that they’re quite beautiful! Wow… She sees that her mind has been superimposing her unique past onto the lights before, and they have sucked. And she’s tired of it. So she relaxing into that feeling when it comes and asking her wisdom about the lights. And her wisdom looks at them with fresh eyes, without the past, and it says, “Wow, they are beautiful.” Bam! And it’s sometimes easier than other times, but she is staying out of the chatterbox as best she can. And her addiction to the chatterbox is getting weaker each time. Peeling layers of a big ass onion. But what else are you going to do?? Might as well do some peeling.
You might also check out the 2014 Guide to The Holidays. Or another post from 2014 called Holidays: Being with Bad Family. Or Christmas Redefined from 2013. Or Christmas from 2012. Or So… How Did You Do? from 2013, which grades us on how we did during Thanksgiving of that same year. The same ideas apply to Christmas, as well as anything else that’s a “measuring stick.” So you have plenty of support here, and there’s no failing. There’s just learning and then diving right back in again next time. That’s why it’s a measuring stick. I do this every year, so I might as well take a look at how I’m doing now that I’m owning my feelings and I know that I have a good source of high quality thinking built in.
All the best to you, good person. And you can take joy in the fact that I’m practicing the exact same things as you are! If you only knew… I’m sure it’ll all be written about here when the time is right. But I am practicing a better way of living just like you are. And screw it… what else are we going to do? We’re simply outgrowing our old ways that have served us for so long and are not serving us anymore. And we are supported. Ask and ye shall receive. What you get might not look exactly what you expected it to look like, though… I’ve got some of that going on in my own life right now! But trust me, Life knows what it’s doing. So much love to you, and I look forward to a big year in 2016. Change has been happening so fast within me, and there’s LOTS more on the books. I feel like I’m just getting started, but in a good way. And my purpose seems to be to pass it onto you as best I can. Things are accelerating, that’s for sure. So buckle up, and let’s do this! XOXO