Okay folks – this is some cool stuff we’re about to talk about. It’s subtle, though, but like many of the subtle things we talk about, it’s incredibly powerful and life-changing. You just have to actually do it. And then do it some more. And then do it some more until it’s the rule and not the exception. Here we go…
Most of us do things we don’t like – this is obvious. We have patterns and behaviors and thinking that we don’t like about ourselves. I talked about this in a recent blog post that’s about how to identify some of the subtle things we don’t like (What Pushes Your Buttons?). You can look at your own life and pick whatever you want as an example. It could be something that’s more in the “outer world,” like you smoke cigarettes and want to stop. Or it could be something more internal, like you don’t treat a loved one very well. And of course anything internal spills out into the outer world. In the case of not treating that loved one as well as you could, maybe this leads to arguments or something like that.
The point is that we all have things we don’t like about ourselves. In the future, I’ll be hammering home what I believe to be a fact – that this self is not even you! And that’s good news when you really think about it… In the meantime, let’s just be practical. Even if what you see in the mirror everyday really is you (as opposed to being an eternal, immortal, already perfect, changeless spiritual being – I’m pretty sure that’s who we really are – more on this later), then you can stop beating yourself up about these things you already don’t like about yourself.
If I’ve acted in a way I don’t like, and then I beat myself up about it, I’ve just doubled the pain. Sweet! And I did that to myself… That second layer is self-inflicted, so this is definitely not a good plan. This passes for normal in today’s world, though, so don’t worry about it – you’ve learned it from when you were too young to have any say in the matter. The first step is to thoroughly accept it. Accept your patterns or issues or whatever you don’t like. Admit that that’s how you’ve been rolling. Don’t make an extra problem out of it. Making a problem out of it is called resistance, and resistance helps keep it stuck, keep it intact.
I know this might sound vague, and I don’t have the best example right now – I have no doubt they will pop up later on in the blog, though – some probably already have, in fact. You might have noticed that I kind of fly by the seat of my pants with these writings – I think it flows much better that way. I’d say just look at your patterns that you don’t like and own them. Totally own them. And stop crucifying yourself. Until you do this, you’re in no position to do anything about them. And you might even find that you’re not as bad or as guilty as you thought you were. And if you still think you are, then own it so you can do something about it! There are plenty of resources and people out there to help. I happen to know one of them… Do it!