Okay folks, I’m excited – because this can be really, really powerful. You see, sometimes “I love you” isn’t what our heart wants to hear for whatever reason. It could be that due to something from the past, those words are attached to a feeling that’s not very good. Sometimes people have said “I love you” before or after hurting us, for instance, leaving us confused. Or it could just be that you’re new to this whole self-love thing, this whole “be super nice to yourself” thing, and your innocence, your inner child, doesn’t believe you yet when you say “I love you.” And no worries, by the way, because it will eventually believe you and will relish those words! Keep showing up and it’ll absolutely shift, and it doesn’t take forever. But in these cases, we might need something that’s better equipped to get our foot in the door. And that’s where “I’m sorry” comes into play.
NOTE: If the words “I’m sorry” are attached to something that’s not good, then of course disregard. There’s always something that your heart yearns to hear, though. Just ask it. I’d also read (or listen to) Whatever Arises, Love That by Matt Kahn and see the “personal love statement.” It’s tailor-made just for your heart in any moment. Because you’re the one that comes up with it! Back to the story…
“I’m sorry” is what we can tell our heart for anything that was difficult to survive. It could be big or small. It could be old or new. It could be something for which you are responsible, or it could be something with which you had nothing to do at all. “I’m sorry” is just an amazing way to give our heart the loving attention it needs, for anything that was tough to deal with, tough to survive. And it feels amazing! It feels honest. It feels powerful. It feels simple. It feels good.
I had a tough experience at boarding school when I was sixteen years old, for instance, an experience of rejection and loneliness for which I was not at all prepared. It was part of my path, of course, to experience this. And at times it really, really sucked! It was also my first “spiritual awakening,” by the way – pain and awakening often go hand in hand in this day and age, and beings like us are actually here to help humanity evolve to a point where pain is no longer necessary for growth. Anyway, this was the first thing that popped in my mind when I heard about “I’m sorry.” So I just told that sixteen-year-old, “I’m sorry you had to experience that, I’m so sorry. I know that was really painful. You did not deserve that. I’m sorry.” And my heart just opened up and melted.
I gave a talk last night and we closed our eyes and did this. I guided the folks there through something like, “I’m sorry for anything you’ve had to experience that was difficult [breathing love into the heart]. Anything at all [breathe it in]. Whether I was responsible or not, I’m sorry [breathe it in]. I’m so sorry [breathe it in]. You didn’t deserve that [breathe it in]. I’m here for you now, and I’ll always be here for you [breathe it in].” Very powerful!
So there you go, folks, the practice of “I’m sorry.” Give it a shot anytime, anyplace, and maybe you’ll feel a melting, a warmth, a comfort, a strength, an opening, a feeling of safety and security. If not, no worries – your heart might be a bit angry or suspicious if you’ve never really done this. That’s how it was for me the first time I told my heart “I love you,” that’s for sure! I started crying because it was super obvious that I had NEVER done anything remotely close to that. So I was honest with my heart, telling it, “I”m sorry, but I had no idea. Nobody’s ever told me to do this and I’ve never thought to do it naturally. But I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. And I’m going to love you in whatever way you need me to. So please teach me, and I understand if you’re mad. Be as mad as you need to be, and I’m not going anywhere.” So cool! So give it a shot if you feel too. And know that your heart knows exactly what it needs to hear. And know that this practice can CHANGE YOU FAST. For real… Happy practicing, and as always, let me know if I can help.