So I learned about the teacher Matt Kahn sometime in 2015 (YouTube channel here). He published his first book not long after, and I pre-ordered five copies. I wanted to support his work, sensing that it was very important. And I wanted one for myself, as well as some to give away. In fact, I gave the last one away just a week or so ago. I’m slow sometimes… Oh, and I wanted the freebies that came with each increasing order, like some downloads of audio teachings. So I got five.
I’m not sure when the book arrived, but when it did, I started reading. This would’ve been in early 2016. I read the first two or three chapters and put it down, not picking it up again. The problem wasn’t the book, it was me. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know this at the time, though. At the time, I just wasn’t feeling it. Honestly, I wasn’t feeling anything in terms of reading. I felt like I’d read my ass off for over ten years and it was time to live it. Now.
So time passed, and life had plenty of ups and downs. And there were some major downs. I truly learned how to feel really crappy stuff, going through a big heartbreak situation with a beautiful woman. I wrote about that some in late 2016 without really saying what was going on. It was intense, though! But it cleared me out of some serious gunk, that’s for sure. And it deepened my capacity to hold big feelings and energies. Was it fun? Absolutely not! I don’t know why this earth setup is how it is, but I know that it is how it is. And it can be pretty brutal. And arguing about it or bitching about it only makes it worse – I actually have a tremendous amount of experience with that, as a few of my friends can attest. They’ve even found my bitching amusing. I’m hoping that I’m finally getting over that phase, and I’ve been doing pretty well with it lately. Matt Kahn’s work has helped to shift it. But let’s face it, earth can be rough!
So I got to a much better place as the new year rolled in, and it felt good to be feeling good again. By the way, I love Robert Earl Keen and his song, Feelin’ Good Again. So life rolled on and I started to get super busy at work. And the sessions were rocking. Then just over a month ago I downloaded the audio from the Matt Kahn Feel Good Now retreat that I wrote about here, for those that might want to buy it. It’s SO worth the $111, by the way, for all those hours of talks and teachings, if you’re even slightly inclined. Just read the post and feel into it; there’s no wrong answer.
So I listened to it, mostly on a drive back from the NC mountains, and it freaking peeled me open. I’ve been peeled open many times before, and for pretty long periods of time, too. And I’m ready for it to last. I’m ready for a new floor, a higher floor. And it truly feels like this is it. Because it involves the most powerful stuff in existence, love. That’s never been in my arsenal. I’m just not naturally a heart person; I’m a thinker. This really is a new spiritual paradigm that’s emerging, though, and it’s so different than the old one when you take a close look. I’ve learned that the old one wasn’t working for me anymore – it had a low ceiling – because I’ve already done that stuff. As Matt says, I was in the wrong classroom. And the right classroom feels so… right. And it’s the classroom of healing the heart.
I’m writing this to give you some background, and also because it hit me that what I’d gotten from that retreat I was listening to was that I could love whatever part of myself needed it in any moment. As I said in the recent unveiling of A Clean Mind 3.0, it was the track called Showing Innocence Respect. And I truly “got it” that we all have this innocence inside of us that is good and that has been really hurt over the years. And it needs our own love to heal and be melted. And it is worthy of our love. Anytime, anyplace. So after this huge realization, I remembered that book! It was maybe a couple of weeks ago, and I thought, “Wait, this is exactly what that book must be about!” So it was the teaching in the retreat that got me doing and living and practicing what the book is about – Whatever Arises, Love That – all this time later. The perfection of timing…
So today I wanted to share a problem I had in the beginning when I first tried to read it. When a crappy feeling arises, I don’t love it. In fact, I can’t stand it, I hate it. I want it to leave. And the events from last fall have gotten me to a way better place with these energies like anger or sadness or whatever – so that’s good. I don’t hate them as much because I’m not identifying with them as much in the moment. I have a more innocent relationship with it. And I know it’s showing up so that a part of my ego can be melted, leading to much more peace and happiness later. And I think that shift will continue to deepen. But still, it was too much to ask to love whatever arises. And then I realized it was more about whoever arises. I realized that behind the feeling is an old part part of me that’s hurt and that needs love. And I can absolutely love that little guy! I can love him like he’s never been loved before, drenching him and feeding him with that powerful breath, and sometimes with a hand on the heart as well. Because he is innocent and he deserves it. Bam, what a shift! It all clicked.
I haven’t even read the rest of the book yet, but I probably will soon. But I’m pretty sure that what I’m doing now with myself and with clients is the essence of this teaching, which feels like the essence of the new spiritual paradigm that’s emerging. Whatever Arises, Love That. Or Whoever Arises, Love Her or Him. Because s/he deserves it. And I can do that. And it feels amazing.
We’ll be talking more specifically in future writings about what this looks like in the moment, to make sure we’re super clear. It’s pretty amazing, though. For instance, you might be mad at yourself. And you might find it impossible to love yourself in that moment. But can you love the mad one, the one that refuses to love? The one that’s having trouble being loving? Maybe you can love that one. Picture the part of you that says “No! I can’t do that!” S/he has arms folded and a stern look. Doesn’t that one need a freaking hug?? Or can you imagine an innocent little kid inside of you that really, truly wants to be a good person and to have a smooth life? Can you love him or her? Absolutely! And if not, you’ll get the hang of it with practice, and it’ll be second nature before you know it. So there we go, just expounding on this new part of the journey some. Because you can usually find some part in there that you know damn well deserves some love. And when you give it, it starts to spread to the other parts. And it feels really good, really safe. And you start to feel whole as these parts get melted. So all the best to you, happy practicing, and as always, let me know if I can help.