Just Ask The Question!

Posted Posted in Client/Friend Stories

I have a client who is kicking ass, and I want to tell you a bit about how he handled something recently, in case it can help you. This is huge, and it speaks to exactly what we’re after here at A Clean Mind. He’s living a new way, and he’s experiencing more and more everyday peace as a result.

So he had a major alcohol issue just before he started seeing me, and he’s doing very well with that now. It’s been about four months since we met, and things are deepening more and more. This is how it works, by the way, when we start understanding that our experience comes from our thinking and not from the world directly (that’s not possible). Our peace naturally deepens. And he sees me just to speed up to process. And I’m so proud to say that it’s working really well!

It’s looking like he has some major life changes on the horizon, including moving to a new city in a new state to take a new job. This will involve moving his wife and kids, selling their house, buying a new one, and finding an awesome school for the kids. It also involves leaving the family business that he’s been intertwined in for the last fifteen years, along with his dad and his parents. There are assets to split up, shares to break off, and that type of thing. And then there are the conversations. Tough conversations about moving after being so close for so long. It’s really not that far away, an easy half-day drive, but it’s still a huge change. And lots of times we feel stress when there’s lots of change. He knows where it comes from, though – not the changes themselves but rather how he sees the changes. In other words, how he feels comes from his thinking. That is the source. And what great news!

So here’s his big breakthrough. He’d gotten an initial offer from the other company, and he had just pressed send on the email sending back his counter-offer. And he noticed that his body had felt off for the past 4-5 days. He stood up, relaxed, looked out the window at the pond, and took some deep breaths. Then he simply asked the question, “Why does my body feel like this? Why does my back hurt right now?” And here’s the essential part. Then he waited. He didn’t judge it and thus make an extra problem out of the situation. He wasn’t tight about needing to know. He just asked the question, relaxed into it, and waited for what came up. He received. And you know what happened next? There was his natural stream of wisdom, which is just the same as common sense, right there. And it said that it wasn’t really the details of the job offer and the negotiation process; he was confident that would be fine. What was bothering him was everything else – the conversations with his family members, splitting up assets, selling and buying a house, and relocating his kids to a new area and a new school. Worrying about that stuff is what his body was feeling.

By stopping, relaxing, and taking a look, quite the shift occurred, and no less than a life-changing shift at that. He was now seeing his thinking in the moment clearly, and his body responded right away, and felt much better. He also said that he’s been noticing his body more and more now, which is huge because that’s our signal to glance at our thinking. He was more clear and relaxed now, so he could see that he didn’t even need to be worrying about those things in that moment. The job offer comes first. If he takes it, he’ll move down there for three months to make sure it’s a good fit. After that, they’ll sell their house and buy a new one. And that’s when his wife and kids will move down and they can focus on schools. His body was acting like he had to have all of this done yesterday, and that just wasn’t true. His body was acting like he was going to pull his kids out of school in the middle of the year, and that wasn’t true. They would move after school let out for summer. He had to stop, relax, and ask the question, though, “Why do I feel this way right now?” And then receive.

The splitting of assets is still an unknown, but he said he’s not going to make a big deal out of it either way. He has a great offer where he’s going, and he knows they’ll be fine. So that one is done. And regarding the conversations, he’s pretty much already had them. Now they’ll all just spend quality time together until he moves, assuming it works out that way. So that one is done as well. So what he was doing is similar to what literally billions of humans do on a daily basis – worry about things that I don’t need to worry about right now in this moment. And it happens behind the scenes, too. This is called invisible thinking. That’s why when you notice your body’s signals in the form of how you feel, you have to stop and just ask the question. And most of us just go, go, go, never pausing to really look at what’s going on.

Here’s the coolest thing about all of this. He said, “In the past, I would’ve just chugged a pint of vodka.” Bam! That’s pretty strong. Now he knows that he doesn’t have to cover those feelings up. They’re valuable information, so you don’t even want to cover them up! So he stopped, relaxed, and just asked where they were coming from. Because he already knew the psychological fact that how I feel comes from my thinking in this moment. So what he really asked was, what’s my thinking right now? And he wasn’t tight about it at all. That’s huge, just because it makes it easier for us to recognize our wisdom/common sense that’s always right there just below the surface.

This is cool, people! This dude has hit a new stage, and he’s reaping the rewards. A phrase that works for him, which he got from me, is “Relax into it.” If it sounds lazy, it’s not. He’s handling major stuff right now and he’s feeling great. Things are flowing, and he’s having fun throughout the process. In other words, he’s truly a happy person. And that’s what we’re all after. And it’s already inside of you right now, wherever you are. When you learn that it can only be covered up by your thinking, which your body constantly feels, you’re on the super highway to peace. Vroom vroom!

Happy 2015!

Posted Posted in Other Cool Topics

Hello, folks – now that the holidays have totally worn off, Happy New Year! Since this time last year, my work has really turned to understanding how our mind is constantly creating our reality based on thought, 100% of the time. So… it’s not reality at all! And as our thinking changes, our experience – how we feel – follows suit automatically. This isn’t positive thinking, though, because that doesn’t work for most of us. It’s just not authentic, and deep down we know it. In other words, we don’t truly believe the positive stuff we’re trying to tell ourselves. And of course if you do, great – keep doing what you’re doing whenever it’s working for you. This is more about a natural way of thinking that’s always available to us and just gets covered up by years and years of chatter. You could call it inner wisdom, intuition, or even common sense. It’s all the same. When we see this in action more and more and experience this higher quality of thinking, our whole world changes. And it’s worth noting that this is how children think until they get conditioned by us adults. And then they come see someone like me or find books, videos, etc. that help them rediscover their natural wisdom. Or common sense. So we’ll be focusing on that primarily.

That’s the inner part of the equation. And since we’re thinking pretty much 24/7, that’s the main part. While we’re at it, though, we might as well take a look at the outer part of the equation. What I’m interested in this year is the answer to the simple question, “Am I happy?” And if not, why not? And there’s nothing wrong with not being happy! Admit it, own it, tell the truth. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Breathe and relax your body. Relax into it and accept how things are now (because they already are, and there’s no time machine yet). And then just innocently ask the question, “Why not?” And then just be patient and receive. Take note of what comes up, and write it down if you need to. And see if there are any obvious, immediate shifts that can be made. Also see if there are any longer-term seeds that can be planted. There’s always a first step.

Our goal this year is to be able to answer this question with a “Yes.” It doesn’t mean you’re living your dream life; you might or might not be. But it means you are happy, and we want to at least be there. That’s our baseline. And we are going to address it from the inside first and foremost, but also from the outside. This reminds me of a hilarious story about a student of a well-known Indian spiritual teacher named Papaji. The guy said something to Papaji like, “Papaji, I live in an apartment above an auto mechanic, and it’s so noisy that I’m having trouble achieving stillness during meditation. What should I do?” And the great Papaji replied, “Move!” I love it.

So all the best to you this year, and I’m really excited. I have big goals that may or may not be realized this year. And that’s fine. I want to restructure my stuff on the internet. I might even give this blog a new title and use A Clean Mind for my coaching and counseling practice. I also want to put my message into a form that I can make available to people who don’t want to do individual sessions or who can’t. I want to reach more people. And there might be more on video, too. All of this is without pressure, too – just having fun and sharing my joy. I want to reach more people and do it in a way that’s as fast and accessible as possible. And I really, really, really want to help improve the field of therapy. I know that’s biting off a bit much, but screw it. It has so much room for improvement that I can’t resist at least trying. The way I’ve been trained to do things this past year simply works better and faster in the vast majority of cases. Just saying… And don’t think I don’t feel fortunate to have been trained in this way – that’s a major understatement.

And the cool thing is that I’m still growing so much and so fast. So I really have no clue where this whole thing is going. It’s been quite a ride, though, and it’s really just beginning. And I’m glad you’re joining me. I already have some stories to tell of friends and clients who are reaping the fruits of their increased understanding of thinking, and it’s blowing them away. And me as well! I’ll be sharing those very soon. And I’ll probably post to this blog more frequently this year. Scheduling one morning or afternoon open each week, for instance, is an example of an “outer” things that can be done to make that happen. And that idea always comes from my wisdom or common sense. So the “inner” is always primary. Okay… all the best to you, and Happy 2015! Let’s kick some serious ass this year!! And as always, let me know if I can help!