Just Try It!

Posted Posted in Uncategorized

Last week, I wrote about talking nicely to yourself. This can literally change your life in no time flat. Really. It can be a MAJOR game changer, so this is a fairly gentle reminder to try this out. Just try it out. For two weeks. Two weeks. What do you have to lose? I’ll tell you what you have to lose, unnecessary pain, anger, sadness, and stress. Life already has enough of that for most of us, so I’m just talking about the extra stuff we add to it by how we talk to ourselves.And if you’re unsatisfied after two weeks, then feel free to go back to bashing and criticizing yourself all the time. What a lovely thing to do 🙂

Seriously, most of us have let a pretty harsh voice have free reign for most of our lives. Since we’re doing it to ourselves’s we can stop. Just like that in that moment when we notice it. And it comes back. And we stop again. And it loses power after a while. We see that we’re the only person that can give it any power in the first place. Nobody else even knows that anything has happened, because it’s in your head. Much ado about nothing. Really. It’s a lot of nothing. And what amazing, life changing news!

Now for the logical portion of the blog post… Doesn’t it make sense to simply try it out for just two weeks? Two weeks! That’s nothing. For the next two weeks, the harsh voice does not get the floor. At all. It will talk, of course, and that’s fine. The difference is that for just the next two weeks, you won’t listen to it. You won’t even take it seriously. You’ll simply go to a long, deep breath the second you notice it, and it’ll be gone. And you’ll relax your body. You might gently say, “You’ve had your chance and you’re done for two weeks.” And you might say to yourself something like, “Relax Ash, just do your best.” Or, “Chill out, you’re doing fine. What’s the next thing I have to do? I’ll just do that now.” And here’s the key –  your tone. It’s a relaxing tone. And you really feel it. This is huge. Feel the relaxation, even while you’re super busy or making a tough decision. This is very, very powerful. All we’re doing is trying out a different way. For just two weeks of our lives. Is that a lot to ask?? Clearly it is not…

The hard part is usually remembering, so let’s stack the deck in our favor. Make a note wherever you need to. Like by your bed to start the day, in your car, on your desk at work, in your phone, etc. There are apps to help, like Remindfulness. Do what you have to do to remember. The note could simply say, “Relax.” And maybe it has a happy face by it. Those are pretty powerful, by the way…

So give it a shot if you want. It’s your peace, after all, so you’re in charge. This is so simple but so huge. The only thing is that most of us have a habit of talking differently to ourselves, so it’ll probably take some practice. Habits get replaced, though, with persistence. Make your notes so you’ll remember, and try it our for two weeks. Two weeks!! And then assess how those two weeks were. Not what happened externally, but how you were internally. That’s what it’s all about, after all. Because we can’t control the external. And if this changes your life, let me know; it’s already changed mine. Now I’m off to a cousin’s wedding in Tallahassee. Happy weekend, everyone. And talk nicely to yourself, dammit! Wait, that wasn’t so nice…

Talk Nicely… To Yourself

Posted Posted in Other Cool Topics

Hi folks! Today I’m going to attempt a shorter blog post. It hit me that that might be the answer to how to stay in touch and keep the convo going while working so much. There’s just too much to talk about and lately it hasn’t been happening (due to work and wanting to chill after). Excellent work has been going on, though, and there have been many transformations. Many. And I know it’s not a convo since there are no comments, but that seems like kind of a nightmare to me. I’m always open to emails and do want to hear from you. Your peace is something I’m very interested in. We’re all in this thing together, after all. Maybe comments down the line, maybe not.

So let’s talk again about what is probably the most important variable regarding your peace, the voice in the head! Since it’s your voice, and you’re the one doing the talking, I’m going to suggest a radical idea. Talk nicely. Be supportive. Really? You can do that?? Yes! It just takes practice. Try this one out for size. When you catch yourself in your head, take a deep, relaxing breath and literally let go of that mean character on the spot. It should feel nice. Then tell yourself in a supportive, loving tone, “Relax [insert your name here], you’re doing your best.” And yes, use third person. So for me, it would be, “Relax Ashley, you’re doing your best.” This one has been rocking my world lately. It just feels so relaxing. It stops the chatter in its tracks. At least for a little while, and that’s important. It breaks the momentum.

A couple of people have tried this and said that right away a mean voice comes up and responds, “No, you’re not.” As in you’re not doing your best. For one, I truly believe that we are doing our best. Sometimes it doesn’t look very good, but that’s where we were at the time. Own it, learn what you can, and move on. So that’s my answer to that mean voice. But even if you don’t believe that we’re really doing our best as we go through life, let me ask you this. Has that harsh, judgmental, critical voice really helped you out? Has it made your life smoother? Has it made you a better person? Probably not. On the contrary, it’s probably made your mood go down and your stress go up. Then why don’t we just try things a different way for a little while and see what happens?

So give that a shot. If the voice is a problem and I’m the one doing the talking, then I’m going to talk nicely. Then just innocently practice and this new way of talking to yourself will take hold more and more. Over time, it’ll become the rule and not the exception. You will lose your taste for that mean voice after a while; it’ll just feel wrong. We’re shifting some of your power back to you when we do this. You’ll be able to handle stressful situations better than ever. Your body will relax more and more. You might sleep better. You’ll also be able to access the wise version of you that’s in there 100% of the time but just gets covered up. By the harsh voice. Which is your voice. So let that character go! After a while, the volume will be turned down and you’ll see that you’ve had power over it all along. Be patient, though, because it’s been allowed to run wild for so long. If the reincarnation crowd is correct, then that might been thousands of lifetimes. We don’t even have to worry about that, though, because this one is long enough when we’re talking about the insanity of being mean to ourselves. “Relax, Ashley, you’re doing your best.” Ahh, feels nice…

Hello Again

Posted Posted in My Stories

Hi folks! It’s good to be back… Hopefully it lasts… I’ve been really busy since the new year started, and I’ve chosen to chill when not working. There’s lots to say, though, and I really love writing this blog, so hopefully that will even out in the future. I think it will. I had a cancellation just now, so I’m going to touch base and give you an update. And just say hi, too. Hi!

For one thing, I’ve been working a second job this year. In my private practice, I’ve had close to 35 new clients this year alone, which is pretty amazing. But they don’t hang around long! Which is what I want. You can see that I’m not the best at business… I’m trying to attract people who are close and who are ready to step up their game. What game? The game of living in a human body. I do a long first session, because it doesn’t feel right to me to be halfway done and say, “Come back in a week for the rest.” So they go out with a totally new perspective, practice life, and come back to discuss. It really works. Not for everyone, but for so many. This is a hilarious business plan, though. It should be fine in the long run, when there are enough satisfied customers telling their friends. Word of mouth has definitely been getting cranked up lately, but with this approach, I just need lots of new clients all the time. And that’s happening; this is what it looks like.

In the meantime, I’ve needed more income. And right on time, this guy I really like found my blog. About a year ago, he and some others started a really cool new substance abuse recovery center in nearby Gulf Breeze, FL called Gulf Breeze Recovery. Check out their website if you like (www.gulfbreezerecovery.com). It’s just across the three-mile bridge over Pensacola Bay from both my house and my office. He saw that I was doing basically the same thing as them – helping people to uncover their own innate wisdom that’s been there all along. They’re trying to become no less than the best recovery center in the whole world. They’re doing a pretty good job, too. They come from the perspective of what’s right with you as opposed to the “disease model” of what’s wrong with you. That works for some people, and that’s fine. This is different, though. And it’s made me a much better counselor and teacher of peace.

Gulf Breeze Recovery uses something called the Three Principles (3 P’s) to treat addiction. The 3 P’s are mind, consciousness, and thought, and this was coined by an enlightened Scottish guy named Sydney Banks. I won’t get into the details too much now, except to say that the emphasis is totally on thought in the moment. Feelings are just the flip side of a thought. So I’m literally feeling my thinking. Remember that phrase and use it. Test it out. I’m not feeling what happened; I’m feeling my thinking about what happened. There’s always that layer of thought, even if it’s buried or invisible. My feelings simply alert me to look at what I’m thinking about in that moment. See for yourself if this is true. And as far as what to think, I always say just stick to the facts. I’m not into positive or negative thinking; I’m into reality. Most of what we think would fall into the negative category, and most of it is just assumptions anyway. Bad plan… The facts are just fine. We will cover this in more detail soon enough.

At some point, I’ll be restructuring the core posts on this blog (the ones in the BEGIN HERE! category) to reflect this increased emphasis on thought in the moment. In the meantime, know that even if you’ve been in your head for the last six hours, days, years, or whatever, nothing has happened. Nobody even knows! And they don’t care, because they’re dealing with their own life. The earth is still spinning just fine. Nothing has happened, and that’s good news. Very good news. Just take a deep breath, relax your body, and resume what you were doing. Wash, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life and see what happens. You might find that you’ll experience more and more peace. And the voice in your head, which is your own voice, will essentially be neutered. Only you can give it power, and you’ll finally see this. After that, it can talk all day long and it won’t even matter. Because you know that it’s just chatter. No big deal.

Okay folks, that’s enough for now. I hereby pledge to continue this thought sooner rather than later, with more details. Once again, though, the tool is this: When you catch yourself in your head or when something disturbs your peace, go right to the breath and relax your body. Just let go for a few seconds and relax. This gets you out of your head. Take a break from thinking for a few seconds at least. When you do this, you create space. And the wisdom that 100% of us were born with, and that is always right there under the surface, can rise up and fill that space. And you have that intuition about the next thing to do. So cool, so cool. And so simple. And SO damn powerful! It’s good to be back…