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The Eviction

So we just wrote The Relationship Post, with a really zoomed out view of relationships. And we said that our goal was the same as it always is, which is so huge to understand – we’re literally learning how to see things through the universe’s eyes. Because the more we can do that, the more amazing and magical our lives will be. True story, and I’m living proof. And so are so many clients, friends, and family. It’s pretty crazy, in fact, especially since the arrival of this new year of 2020 and the new decade that it begins. Something is definitely happening, people!

We ended The Relationship Post by asking how we know whether a relationship has expired or not. And I said that “expired” doesn’t necessarily mean it will end. Sometimes that happens, and other times it changes form, say from intimate to just friends. So by “expired,” I just mean that according to the universe, it’s time for a change (which means: for the highest and best growth of each soul involved, it’s time for a change). And again, that change can mean anything, from no relationship to friends. Or no relationship for some transitional period of time, and then a healthy “friends“ relationship might naturally emerge after that.

So to know when a relationship has expired in its current form, let’s talk about the analogy of The Eviction. This one is priceless, and it comes straight from my guy Matt Kahn that I love so much. It just nails it, so clear and equally funny. The setup is that you’re renting an apartment from your landlord. And the landlord decides it’s time to evict you. This particular landlord, however, isn’t very confrontational, so more passive techniques are employed to get you to move on. Here we go…

To begin the eviction process, the landlord turns off the air conditioning in your apartment. It sure is hot outside, too, and the insulation in this place is terrible. So what do you do? You get a bunch of fans. It’s not as great as the AC, but it works. ”Damn,” says the landlord… Summer gives way to fall, with its cooler temperatures. So the landlord turns off the heat. Next thing they know, you have warm clothes, big blankets, and a really amazing sleeping bag. “Damn!”

The next thing to go is the hot water. “They’re taking cold showers now!” So they shut off the water off completely. “Now they’re bringing in big jugs of water!” The landlord turns off the power altogether, and you bring in candles and battery-powered lamps. You get the idea. Exasperated and bewildered, the landlord asks, “What will it finally take??” So the landlord send in scores of cockroaches and rats, and finally you decide you just can’t take it anymore, so you move out. This, folks, is The Eviction.

Now let’s replace the landlord with the universe, and let’s replace the apartment with your relationship. Let’s also get rid of any amount of exasperation or frustration on the part of the landlord; that’s just to make the story funny. Because the universe doesn’t have any of that. It knows that we’re all here doing our best, and it knows that living here ain’t easy. It knows that we’re going through the very brave and challenging process of learning how to shine tons of light through a human body. It knows that we all have old and deep wounds that get triggered, and it knows that we’re all learning how to heal these wounds (with self-love, of course – and we’re nailing it! If you ask me, anyway).

So when it’s time for a relationship to change form, and for those in it to move on, to what’s already destined up ahead for them as their next stop, the universe will gently make things more uncomfortable. Your feeling of a “No” will grow. The person doesn’t have to be abusive or evil, either; a “No” just means that if feels more and more like my growth lies somewhere else. And it also means their growth lies somewhere else. Always remember – since the intelligence of the universe is so vast, it’s always a long-term win-win for all involved. This doesn’t mean, however, that everyone FEELS good all the time. We’re still in a phase on earth where growth is usually coupled with pain. And I know, there sure can be lots of it. We’re moving out of that, but it takes some time to turn around the Titanic. It’s happening, though, it really is. It’s just a very long-term process.

So as I said above, you will FEEL whether it’s time to go or not. But you don’t want to be impulsive or willy-nilly about this (whoa, I’ve definitely never typed “willy-nilly” before). You want to take your time and feel into it. Remember, the universe will make it more clear over time if that’s what you need. So there’s no rush. Take your time and do it right. Don’t take forever, though, because this is how we stay way too long. Too long for the universe? No, it will grow you wherever you are. But too long for you, since it might just make your life that much more miserable. You got options, though! And we simply practice, as we go through life and through relationships, knowing that we can’t do it wrong. Because it’s all a process. And processes take time to unfold.

NOTE: It’s always the case that if you’re in a dangerous or abusive relationship, don’t feel into anything, just run! Get the hell out! Always. Feel into things later. So what we’re talking about here does NOT apply to abuse. Get out. Use your resources and leave, now. This is very important.

So there you go, folks, that’s The Eviction. Another analogy is the water faucet that has pure, clear water gushing out of it, a strong and constant flow. And slowly, the universe turns down the flow until finally it’s barely a trickle… and then just a drop here and there… you get the point. I hope this makes it clear how you might know when a relationship has expired, according to the universe. Also think about expired milk. You can still drink it, but you might get sick. But you’re still innocent in the eyes of the universe, you’re just innocently throwing up all over the place! And that’s the final point I really hope you’ve gotten – your total innocence. You literally can’t do it wrong (read something like Dying to be Me if you need to, because this is very important for your peace). Drinking sour milk isn’t “wrong” in some absolute sense. Not according to the universe, anyway. It just makes you sick. And then you get better, and eventually you stop drinking sour milk. Yay, look at your growth! And it’s exactly the same with our relationships.